Dear Prudence, Two months ago, my older son “Carl” was supposed to get married to his fiancé “Lisa.” Unfortunately, the night before, Carl discovered Lisa having sex in her hotel room with his older brother “Brad.” This was not out of character for Brad, who I have been estranged from for several years but who Carl remained in touch with. Of course, I was supportive of Carl immediately ending things with Lisa, and I managed the logistics of the canceled wedding.
However, Carl decided to go a step further and set Brad’s car on fire. (It was not occupied at the time.) While I understand the impulse, I really wish he hadn’t done it, and I’ve told him as much. There’s now a whole legal issue going on between them and Carl is broke because of it (and because Lisa moved out so he’s paying all of the mortgage). I’m certainly going to continue being someone Carl can talk to, but how involved should I be in supporting him financially throughout this?