Dear Prudence,
My husband and I have always had a plan for how our lives would go. We planned to get married in 2021, then move houses by 2022, and then begin applying for adoption so we can raise children together. The problem is that I’m now throwing wrench after wrench into those plans. We are spending a lot more on fixing up our current house than we anticipated, so moving has to wait until at least 2023. Then, I recently started laser hair removal treatments to deal with some gender dysphoria, which is another large expense. Finally, my doctor has offered to refer me to a surgeon for a consultation and potential gender affirmation surgery AND I’ve found a surgeon who will do breast augmentation for a much more reasonable price than I had first assumed was possible.
This is all great for my transition, obviously, but the stress of spending (or potentially spending) large amounts of money on these things has put a strain on my mental health. I previously hadn’t considered surgery much, but have lately felt like I need to undergo it. My thought process has been a mess but mostly the thoughts “Would anyone even love me if I didn’t get it” and “I’ll finally be a real woman” have been winning out. I’m torn, though, between spending an insane amount of money to finally inch closer to being worthy of love (both mine and others) and saving that money to carry out the plans we’ve already made. My husband told me this morning that, if I wanted, we could push our plans back and pursue surgeries for my transition, but I feel like asking that of him is selfish.
—Neo Vagina