O. M. G.

mrsconn23 · October 2022

Dear Prudence,

Can you settle an argument between my partner and our middle school kid? A few years ago the school system converted their faculty bathrooms to “all gender” bathrooms. Our child is cisgender but insists on using the all-gender bathrooms which were (in my partner’s mind) meant for people not on the gender binary. Middle school kid says that the all-gender bathroom is cleaner, private, and everybody can use them. My partner says that they should use the bathroom that is labeled for their gender, despite the lack of privacy, cleanliness, and frequent vaping activity. Who is right?

—Who’s Bathroom Is It Anyway?

banana468 · October 2022

Why isn't there more enforcement of the other bathroom?

I'm on team be an ally and use the cleaner bathroom.

mrsconn23 · October 2022

The OMG is because why is this an argument between parent (?) and child? And also, the one bathroom is for ev-er-y-one. FFS do your business and GTFO.

I'm more concerned about middle schoolers vaping and 'no privacy' (what does that mean?!) in the gendered bathrooms. I don't think teachers should be standing in the bathrooms, but maybe post up at the entrance and make sure shit isn't going down if this is such an issue???

banana468 · October 2022

I wonder if the lack of privacy is that the larger bathrooms are places to congregate and the nature of a public bathroom makes peeping that much easier?

Middle school kids are awful to each other. If I could have used the single bathroom when I was getting picked on I would.

ei34 · October 2022

I'm trying to figure out where the faculty members use the bathroom? All for anyone of any gender using the bathroom they prefer, but I draw the line at students in our bathrooms

On the parent side, I'd ask my partner to back down on the label obsession.

charlotte989875 · October 2022

Tell your partner to back down this isn’t the fight.

STARMOON44 · October 2022

Your partner is wrong and also stupid.

short+sassy · October 2022

Is that you, Cartman?

levioosa · October 2022

I can’t with this argument. I’m going to guess the “lack of privacy” comment means child is cis male and doesn’t like using the urinals. I mean, I wouldn’t either. But the middle school needs to clean up the other restrooms regardless

kerbohl · October 2022

ei34 said:

I'm trying to figure out where the faculty members use the bathroom? All for anyone of any gender using the bathroom they prefer, but I draw the line at students in our bathrooms
On the parent side, I'd ask my partner to back down on the label obsession.

Maybe this is hubby's school. They converted the faculty bathroom and never replaced the faculty bathrooms. There is a one stall bathroom - one - for every teacher at that school. He doesn't drink all day so that he doesn't have to wait in line. It's ridiculous how poorly they sometimes treat teachers.

MesmrEwe · October 2022

Team Middle Schooler who is the one that needs to pee/poo and wash their hands...

My kid is a Senior and has a preference for which bathroom they use in their K-12 school because of those same reasons the MS kid listed.. There's not much "enforcement" that schools can do because of entrapment and privacy issues when it comes to the vaping, it's just a reality that the teachers/admins/etc. can't be everywhere during the school day and lots of schools are at minimums or hire out cleaning services after school hours.

VarunaTT · October 2022

I'm a bit confused by this story.

Usually, when the bathroom issue is raised and the solution of an all gender bathroom from the faculty members is put into place, the school policy IS that the bathroom is for faculty and students who are being bullied in the bathroom. I've only ever seen it applied to those students whose (who's?) gender orientation creates issues, but I can see a situation where it would be used for any student suffering from bullying.

If that is the case at this school, yeah, I'm with the parent telling their cisgender child that restroom isn't for them. If it's not a restricted policy, then I would be fine with it.

ETA: Well...I'm not "fine" with it, but I don't think there's a leg to stand on in terms of a logical reason. I would say that people who don't have to worry about their safety, don't need to be intruding on the spaces set up for people who worry about their safety (broad statement, but I truly don't feel like wading deep into this) b/c being an ally also means not taking up space that isn't for you. Complain to the school about cleanliness or such, but dirty bathrooms are an issue for the entirety of our lives, student can deal.

STARMOON44 · October 2022

In my state you cannot have a bathroom only for people with issues. You can provide a bathroom that is specifically allgender but you can’t restrict its use or require anyone to use it. Many schools have just started designating private bathrooms as allgender and they mean it- anyone is welcome to use it. It’s what we tell transphobic parents all the time- no, Steve who was assigned female at birth cannot be forced to use the allgender bathroom. If your child is uncomfortable, they are welcome to.

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