When my husband was in his early 20s, he was a drug addict (this was before I knew him). His parents intervened and sent him to an inpatient rehab center where he got clean and healthy. Part of the rehab program was physical fitness and his sponsor was really big into running and introduced him to a group of ex-addicts who ran. My husband took up running and really loved it and it is now a big part of his life. He credits running with helping him to stay clean. He chases PRs and harder distances and doesn’t go more than two days without running. On average, he runs about five to six days a week.
I’ve never really minded his running habit but now that we have kids, I find that it is excessive. He tries to limit his running so that it doesn’t interfere with parenting by running early in the mornings in the summer, spring, and early fall but when the days are shorter (like they are now) he doesn’t feel safe running in the mornings (he’s a black man) so his runs are pushed to the evenings after work. He’ll often push our toddler in a jogging stroller and have our school-age child bike along with him but I am frustrated to have our evenings disrupted by his need to run all the time. Sometimes I just want to have dinner when he gets home, not have to wait for him to finish his run. We have a really expensive treadmill he can run on after the kids go to bed but he says he really enjoys the fresh air.
The part that is really troubling for me is that when we argue about how much he runs, he says that running helps him stay clean. It’s been 12 years since he was in rehab, and I know that addicts are always in recovery, but I think he’s just traded one addiction in for another. When I tell him that, he says that might be true but at least it’s healthier and less impactful on our lives than heroin and a lot of former drug users find another activity to devote time to. He thinks that as long as it is not interfering with his parenting or doing household stuff, and that I have ample time to devote to my hobbies, that I shouldn’t be upset that he is so committed and obsessed with running. But I’m not obsessed with my hobbies! I don’t get antsy if I go 48 hours without SoulCycle. I don’t think he’s properly addressed his addiction. I tried to talk to his parents about it but my husband got upset. I went behind his back and his parents were distraught because they almost lost him during that time and don’t see how this is comparable. How can I get him to see he still needs help?
—It’s Still An Addiction