Dear Prudence,
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 14 years. We are both in our mid-40s. Early on in our relationship, he confided in me that he has a thing for manicures. As we discussed it, and he became more comfortable talking about it, I learned there were a few facets to his nail preferences. For one, he wanted me to maintain longer-length nails on a regular basis. Prior to dating him, I was getting my nails done so this didn’t seem like such a big deal. However, he wanted me to maintain a longer length than I was accustomed to. I figured I would give it a try and after some time and struggles, I became used to it and haven’t given it much thought since.
The second facet of this was that he liked to get his nails done. Apparently, a couple of times a year he would go to a nail salon to get his nails done a long length and keep them on for a few days at a time. This was a very secretive thing he would do and none of his friends or family knew about it. I did not have much of a problem with it. So for the last several years we’ve been together, he would find time a few times a year to get them done for a few days at a time. I was always supportive and would do what I could to make him comfortable during his “nail adventures.” I could tell that it weighed emotionally on him because he was conflicted as to whether he should or should not be getting his nails done. “It isn’t manly” are his words. Again, I have always supported and encouraged him.
Fast forward, recently he has expressed to me that he would like to maintain having his nails done all the time. He said that he is not looking to have them done at long lengths like mine, something more conservative. But I think they will be feminine looking nonetheless. And while I personally don’t have a problem with it, I worry about what his friends and family will say or think. I also know that it will create a huge mental weight on him. But in the end, it’s what he really wants to do. He has asked me to support him. He said he wants it to be the new “norm” for him. Do you have any thoughts on this and can you offer any suggestions on how we could both deal with family and friends? I just want him to be happy, which in turn will make me happy.
—Boyfriend’s Nails