Wedding Woes

Classic: Catered Turkey Day 'horror'

Q. Catered Thanksgiving: Thanksgiving has always been a huge source of stress for my mother, and I don’t have one memory of her actually enjoying it. Since my brother and sister-in-law moved, my house is the only one feasible to hold everyone (five siblings, spouses, and all the kids). I told everyone I would be catering the meal, but they would be welcome to make a dessert or side dish. Reactions were mixed. My mother says, “It will not be the same,” but it is my house so I should do as I see fit. The loudest naysayer has been my youngest sister. She told me I was “ruining the holidays.” The woman burns water and hasn’t helped with a holiday meal since she was in high school. I told my sister I didn’t care about her opinion, and she was welcome to either take over hosting duties or not come. She is sulking, and my mother is upset. The entire point was to make the holiday easier, and that isn’t happening. Please advise.

Re: Classic: Catered Turkey Day 'horror'

  • Stop telling them your plans. If they want to bring a side, that’s great but why so they need to know if you cooked or catered the meal? Let them talk and ignore your sister and enjoy a far more relaxing holiday than most people will have. 
  • I'm always happy just to eat. People like to make a big deal out of small things. If there is a dish people really want, then make it and bring it to dinner.

    I have an Aunt that love collard greens and makes them because she wants them. I love them too.
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited November 2022
    I'm definitely with the LW.  If people want a homecooked this or that, then they can do it themselves and bring it.  This falls under the doctrine of "beggars can't be choosers".

    We had Thanksgiving at a restaurant once when I was growing up.  I think our kitchen was being remodeled.  Was it as good as my mom's home cooking?  No.  Was it good enough?  Yeah.  Was I going to insist we have Thanksgiving at my grandparents house instead, but it was okay because I was going to cook everything?  Hahahahaha...huge no.

    Edited to add:  My H and I bought a Cajun Fried Turkey from Popeyes Chicken one year, though cooked our own sides.  Pretty delicious!  And very convenient.  But a lot more expensive than cooking a turkey ourselves, so we only did it that one year.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Popeyes has the best turkeys. That's the way to go.
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  • Why does it matter how the meal was prepared as long as it's tasty and norovirus free? 

    You absolutely do not get to criticize and not offer to help.  I'd be pretty clear that you don't have to like the plans but that's what they are.

    And in the future, don't tell them the plans. 
  • I truly don't understand people like this. You're invited to a holiday meal where all you have to do is show up and eat. What the fuck is the problem? 
    And who the hell does the sister think she is that she gets to tell the hosts how the food is prepared? 

    If you're invited to my home I'll offer you food and beverages so that you don't leave hungry that take your dietary restrictions into guidance.  But you absolutely don't ever get to tell me how I'm going to do something.
  • Jeez.  Yeah, everyone is welcome to just not go if it's such a problem.  Or make the food in your own kitchen and bring to LW's home.  I have to make 3 trips from my car into my parents' house bc I'd never be able to carry everything at once.  In what world does the person who's had to clean their home and open their door to everyone also have to cook and bake everything?!
  • ei34 said:
    Jeez.  Yeah, everyone is welcome to just not go if it's such a problem.  Or make the food in your own kitchen and bring to LW's home.  I have to make 3 trips from my car into my parents' house bc I'd never be able to carry everything at once.  In what world does the person who's had to clean their home and open their door to everyone also have to cook and bake everything?!
    My brother and SIL are hosting this year (not the first time, but first time w/ the baby, and the first time with so many people). My parents are bringing the mashed potatoes, stuffing AND the turkey. We all offered to pitch in and help as much as we can (I am of course bringing wine and desserts :wink:)
  • My extended family is small so we've always taken turns hosting and whoever is hosting also handles all the food. 

    It's still weird to me when H's immediate family (like, 8 people and 3 kids) gets together and they all divvy out who's bringing what. It feels so hodgepodge.  I understand that his extended fam is huge and no way could one family do everything so it's just trickled down !!and I am absolutely never mad to contribute!!  it just feels odd.  I also don't like that at times when we invite H's family over and say we're providing everything - they bring whatever they want anyway.  IT's annoying. 
  • Casadena said:
    My extended family is small so we've always taken turns hosting and whoever is hosting also handles all the food. 

    It's still weird to me when H's immediate family (like, 8 people and 3 kids) gets together and they all divvy out who's bringing what. It feels so hodgepodge.  I understand that his extended fam is huge and no way could one family do everything so it's just trickled down !!and I am absolutely never mad to contribute!!  it just feels odd.  I also don't like that at times when we invite H's family over and say we're providing everything - they bring whatever they want anyway.  IT's annoying. 
    Do they expect you to serve it?  


  • banana468 said:
    Casadena said:
    My extended family is small so we've always taken turns hosting and whoever is hosting also handles all the food. 

    It's still weird to me when H's immediate family (like, 8 people and 3 kids) gets together and they all divvy out who's bringing what. It feels so hodgepodge.  I understand that his extended fam is huge and no way could one family do everything so it's just trickled down !!and I am absolutely never mad to contribute!!  it just feels odd.  I also don't like that at times when we invite H's family over and say we're providing everything - they bring whatever they want anyway.  IT's annoying. 
    Do they expect you to serve it?  


    yup. And I do because it would be A THING.  Not a hill i want to die on but definitely annoying. 
  • Casadena said:
    My extended family is small so we've always taken turns hosting and whoever is hosting also handles all the food. 

    It's still weird to me when H's immediate family (like, 8 people and 3 kids) gets together and they all divvy out who's bringing what. It feels so hodgepodge.  I understand that his extended fam is huge and no way could one family do everything so it's just trickled down !!and I am absolutely never mad to contribute!!  it just feels odd.  I also don't like that at times when we invite H's family over and say we're providing everything - they bring whatever they want anyway.  IT's annoying. 
    Potluck idea?
  • LW's family is awful.
    You're getting a fkn meal. Stop it.

    One xmas my dad made the turkey and we walked it down the street to my grandma's house because she was hosting but her oven was too small for the turkey.
    You know what? She appreciated it {also because my dad was a really good cook and could cook turkey absolutely perfectly - besides the point}
  • LW's family is awful.
    You're getting a fkn meal. Stop it.

    One xmas my dad made the turkey and we walked it down the street to my grandma's house because she was hosting but her oven was too small for the turkey.
    You know what? She appreciated it {also because my dad was a really good cook and could cook turkey absolutely perfectly - besides the point}

    SITB

    That's rare!  Or maybe I just don't like turkey and that's why I feel like I've never come across someone who can cook it perfectly.  Except the caterers at my wedding - those were good turkey legs.

  • kerbohl said:
    LW's family is awful.
    You're getting a fkn meal. Stop it.

    One xmas my dad made the turkey and we walked it down the street to my grandma's house because she was hosting but her oven was too small for the turkey.
    You know what? She appreciated it {also because my dad was a really good cook and could cook turkey absolutely perfectly - besides the point}

    SITB

    That's rare!  Or maybe I just don't like turkey and that's why I feel like I've never come across someone who can cook it perfectly.  Except the caterers at my wedding - those were good turkey legs.
    No no. It is rare, hence why my dad was the one who got picked to do it lol
    Most people don't like turkey or goose because many people can't cook it.

    My uncle - who's a chef - admittedly cannot cook turkey/goose properly. My dad just had crazy amount of patience for many things.
  • Yeah, I think we've finally started in the last 20 years with food tv shows that there are better ways to prepare turkey so that you aren't required to use gravy to cough down dry bird or one that's possibly harboring bacteria if you stuff it and have to cook it to the correct internal temp.

    FWIW, between that and the free oven it's why we're frying it Thursday for  Thanksgiving.


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