Wedding Woes

Covid has me frozen in fear

Dear Prudence,

I’m in the small minority in the U.S. who have not gotten COVID. My husband and I have achieved this by working from home all this time and missing out on a lot of fun. We hoped that when we got our fifth shot we’d be ready to get out more, but no; we’re still really concerned about long COVID. I went to my first indoor group event last night, and I was both socially awkward and a little freaked out. After a while, I put my mask on and sat farther away from everyone. I think I offended my dearest friends and am going to reach out to people today. But Prudie, how can I be more relaxed like everyone else and go on trips, to concerts, and gatherings? How is everyone else coping so well with the ongoing pandemic? Over 300 people are still dying every day, but everybody is having a great time! You can see I’m not even sure what I want here. How can I be less afraid? Should I even want to be less afraid?

—Confused and Conflicted

Re: Covid has me frozen in fear

  • I haven't had Covid yet, but I'm also thinking it's a "when" not an "if".  Working from home has been fortunate.  But I might be booking a trip today, and watch me get it then .... like others have said, you assess the risk.

  • DH and I have had it and he managed to get it not in a crowded place but in a car where he was exposed to someone who didn't tell him.   The point: you may get it when you least expect it. 

    I think the time has come where you need to reassess and recalculate risk.  You can be vaccinated and your kids now can be too.  We're not in the same situation that we were even a year ago and the mental toll of not socializing is also something to consider. 

    Dip a toe into more intimate gatherings and if that's still too much consider therapy.

    I deal with this with my mom who yesterday wore a fabric mask to my brother's home.  She's now absolutely paranoid about exposure and cuts the clippings of covid results and calls me or texts about the spikes in this and RSV or other diseases.  I have kids.  They're going to get sick.  It's gonna suck but that's also something we contended with before covid.  We can't bubble ourselves. 
  • Awww this is my dad. He is still very concerned about Covid. I am hoping that we will be able to help bring him out of his shell when we get there. I mean, in the spring when I am willing to go outside myself, lol.
  • Talk to your doctor about your Covid risk and your anxiety and how to manage. 
  • I've got family this way as well.  They are so freaked out that they literally got their (younger) teenage son a hotel room of his own to quarantine two weeks in tourist-ville CO during peak season when he suddenly tested positive the two different times he got it because they were so terrified of getting it themselves even though they've already had it and nothing to fear!   The only person in our entire family who had difficulty with it was my DH, and even he came through both times okay.  The saddest part is that same family member made my (early dementia) MIL so fearful of it at the beginning that the only memory my son now has of his Nana is her screaming her head off for him to get out of her house because he was going to kill her from Covid if he came in for a popsicle (Back when kids were asymptomatic carriers going to kill grandma mentality)...  
  • She says 300 people dying per day, like it's massive.  I was shocked at what a small number that is.  The US has a population of 330M.  That equates to .0000909% of the population.  She was in more danger of dying/being seriously hurt in a car accident, on the way to the event.

    But I realize feelings are not always logical.  I think her and her husband should start smaller.  Go see a movie where there is enough seating they can be many seats away from others.  Go to restaurants.

    I also don't think people can assume they've never had it.  Before vaccines, something like 40% of people had no symptoms when they contracted COVID.  With vaccines, I can only assume that percentage is even higher.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • She says 300 people dying per day, like it's massive.  I was shocked at what a small number that is.  The US has a population of 330M.  That equates to .0000909% of the population.  She was in more danger of dying/being seriously hurt in a car accident, on the way to the event.

    But I realize feelings are not always logical.  I think her and her husband should start smaller.  Go see a movie where there is enough seating they can be many seats away from others.  Go to restaurants.

    I also don't think people can assume they've never had it.  Before vaccines, something like 40% of people had no symptoms when they contracted COVID.  With vaccines, I can only assume that percentage is even higher.
    Yup.  The death rate now doesn't mean that you should ignore COVID, but if people were going to go out in flu season previously then they should be vaccinated and out now. 


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