Dear Prudence,
In the past, every activist or action group I’ve been a part of has either fallen apart due to infighting or had people all be on exactly the same page about everything (usually the former). Recently I’ve been part of creating a practical support network that provides free transportation for people traveling for healthcare. We are helping a lot of people. There have been a few instances where people in the group have clashed over what our policies should be in different situations due to some ideological/personal differences in the group (we are a hearty mix of old school dems, progressive liberals, socialists, and anarchists). What has been amazing is that we have actually managed to work through these issues! I’ve never seen this happen before, and I think it’s because everyone in the group is very committed to the work. The problem is that some of my friends (not in the group) almost look down on me/the group because of this. I confided in a friend that people in the group were having a heated (but civil!) conversation about gender neutral language and reproductive rights, and she responded “lol f*ck TERFs, burn it down.” I genuinely don’t know how to respond in these situations. I feel immensely proud that we are able to help people and that any differences we have we are able to find a workable compromise on, but I feel like if I point that out, I’m defending the views of someone I don’t necessarily agree with. Is there a good response? Should I just avoid getting into these conversations in the first place?”
— Is Compromise Complicit?