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Classic: You shouldn't have said anything to her if you're fine with the decision.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
in Wedding Woes
My girlfriend and I have been together for almost a year and a half. We decided we wanted to move out of state suddenly, and did. Before we left, I talked to my mom and she heard from my sister (31) that she, my dad, and my other sister (28) thought I was being controlled and forced out of state. (It’s actually an idea I’ve always had.) Now, because I told her what was said, my girlfriend has anxiety about it…
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Re: Classic: You shouldn't have said anything to her if you're fine with the decision.

  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    The GFs behavior is a little alarming coupled with LW saying they don’t have any friends and they can’t talk to their family. At the very least she’s engaging in manipulative behavior (reading into that the sister is going to say something about canceling on the mom when mom was fine with it) and withholding communication because she dislikes your reaction. These are red flags and it’s important to address them. 
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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I have a different lens here, I think.  This feels like a letter my exH could've written.  I wasn't being controlling, but b/c HE couldn't handle communication and boundaries with his family, I had to be made out to be a controlling "wench" in my former MIL's words.

    When LW said, "I can't talk to my family", it hit me more as they can't handle mature discussions with their family.  It does disturb me that LW says, "My GF is all I have", but again, we don't know that is GF's fault.  LW created this problem, to me, not his GF.  I think he needs to stop talking about his relationships with his family to GF (for now) and stop talking about his romantic relationship to his family.  To each one, LW needs to be more mature in how they're handling things.
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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I only read this blurb before posting.  LOL

    I read the "I can't talk to my family" as not wanting to invite any further judgment vs. she's saying LW can't call them ever.  The "I don't have friends anymore" is more concerning.  

    LW could be controlled by GF, especially her anxiety OR they could be a completely conflict-avoidant person.  Or it's both.  

    IDK, but LW needs to decide to own the move and the relationship with the GF or think critically about their family's concerns and try to see things a little more objectively.  
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    There's a part of me reading this that says the GF knows that the BF's family is at minimal super opinionated and possibly controlling.  


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