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Wedding Woes
VarunaTT
member
Advice Needed
in Wedding Woes
So, as you all know, my family is going through some big changes right now. I'm trying to be understanding, but I'm getting stuck in the middle between my Aunt P and my "mom" (I say it this way b/c the bio relationships are mom = Grandmother, Aunt P is her bio daugher given up for adoption = my bio aunt, and I am bio granddaughter and niece). My mom already has anxiety over where I am at all times. We've made our peace and boundaries with this over the years. The texting aspect has been having to be worked on, but she is getting a whole lot better with not expecting answers immediately.
Where the boundaries are lacking are between her and Aunt P, on both sides. I'm getting roped in b/c if either one of them doesn't respond to each other w/in what seems to be about thirty minutes, they each have developed a habit of texting ME to see if I've talked to whoever is being "missed" and THEN they expect an answer from ME, immediately. This is increasing in frequency since dad's death in August. I am annoyed. Please remember, Aunt P stopped speaking to me for months b/c she was pissed about a boundary I put down on her, kindly, but she didn't like it, obviously. So, I feel like I'm skirting landmines here.
Question 1: do I try to nip this in the bud now or let it continue for awhile longer? How long is "longer" then?
Question 2: Nipping in the bud: since it's a issue with THEM, on text, I was thinking about setting a group chat with the 3 of us, that would say something like:
"Hey, Mom and Aunt P! Since we're all busy and can't always be immediate in responses, can we all agree that we will respond to each other w/in 6 hours of a text and that we won't start looking for each other until there's no response for 6 hours?"
And see how it goes? 6 hours if way too damn short IMHO, but between mom's anxiety and my previous issues with Aunt P, I thought that might be a good compromise? Other thoughts?
Where the boundaries are lacking are between her and Aunt P, on both sides. I'm getting roped in b/c if either one of them doesn't respond to each other w/in what seems to be about thirty minutes, they each have developed a habit of texting ME to see if I've talked to whoever is being "missed" and THEN they expect an answer from ME, immediately. This is increasing in frequency since dad's death in August. I am annoyed. Please remember, Aunt P stopped speaking to me for months b/c she was pissed about a boundary I put down on her, kindly, but she didn't like it, obviously. So, I feel like I'm skirting landmines here.
Question 1: do I try to nip this in the bud now or let it continue for awhile longer? How long is "longer" then?
Question 2: Nipping in the bud: since it's a issue with THEM, on text, I was thinking about setting a group chat with the 3 of us, that would say something like:
"Hey, Mom and Aunt P! Since we're all busy and can't always be immediate in responses, can we all agree that we will respond to each other w/in 6 hours of a text and that we won't start looking for each other until there's no response for 6 hours?"
And see how it goes? 6 hours if way too damn short IMHO, but between mom's anxiety and my previous issues with Aunt P, I thought that might be a good compromise? Other thoughts?
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Re: Advice Needed
I personally set expectations with people I text with. Especially people who might occasionally have urgent texts, like my tenants.
In a nutshell, that I cannot always text back or answer the phone when I'm at work. And I DO NOT text or answer calls when I'm driving. But I also explain that I don't ignore people either and will always text back at my earliest convenience.