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The no "thank you" conundrum

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

My son just got married and refuses to send thank you cards. I’m very embarrassed by this and told him so. Some of the people who sent gifts were my co-workers and relatives and I think he is showing a lack of respect, in addition to just being rude and selfish. He feels his life is his own and will not do something just to make me happy.  How do I go forward with my relationship with my son? Just let it go? I’m really having difficulty.

—Needing Some Thanks

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Re: The no "thank you" conundrum

  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    mrsconn23 said:

    Dear Prudence,

    My son just got married and refuses to send thank you cards. I’m very embarrassed by this and told him so. Some of the people who sent gifts were my co-workers and relatives and I think he is showing a lack of respect, in addition to just being rude and selfish. He feels his life is his own and will not do something just to make me happy.  How do I go forward with my relationship with my son? Just let it go? I’m really having difficulty.

    —Needing Some Thanks

    Well, you can advise that this isn't your embarrassment unless you never taught him to send TY notes when he was younger.

    I would, however be clear to him that sending TY notes is your social obligation after a big scale event like this and they are also important in the business setting.   Let him know that these are an obligation and have nothing to do with your happiness but reflect on him and are done because it's the appropriate thing to do.  I'd also let him know that there are plenty of people who do notice when others appear to be remiss in their etiquette and in future events they may not be as generous.  If a TY note wasn't sent for the aunt who threw a shower for the wedding then she may be gifting white Gerber onesies only when a new baby arrives.  


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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    The LW has done what they can, but they can't make their son and his wife do the right thing.  Eventually, they will need to let it go.  I don't think they should bring it up again.  But while their disappointment is fresh, they may not be able to help but show it and that's understandable also.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    All you can do is be disappointed. This isn't your embarrassment. If you really feel like he's not grateful, maybe think twice before getting him any future gifts. 

    But really, you have to let this go. He's a full grown adult and gets to be rude if he wants to.  
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