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I don't think you need to protect him or 'get over' your discomfort.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

Shortly after I went to college, I learned that a beloved high school teacher, Mr. Larson, had been arrested for sleeping with a student. He was 41 and she was 15 when the affair began. I’d be close to Mr. Larson—it was a small school; I took many of his classes—and was disgusted by his behavior. I didn’t think much of him, though, until a new hire joined my team… It was Mr. Larson. It’s been years since he got out of jail. I still find his crime repugnant, though, and don’t have any idea what to say to him when we have to work alone together (which we will). He has tried to reach out to me over Slack, but since they’ve been personal messages—he basically wants to clear the air—I ignore them.

I don’t want to torpedo my career, and as much as I’m dying to seek advice from my work friends, I don’t know that “exposing” him is the right or professional move. I’m also still close to several high school friends, including the sister of his victim. I don’t know how to get over my discomfort, “clear the air” with Mr. Larson, and talk about this with my friends. Help!

—School’s Back in Session

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Re: I don't think you need to protect him or 'get over' your discomfort.

  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    IMO if you're secure in your position then you talk about this not with Mr. Larson but with your coworkers.  If he's done time in prison and the school was small you can advise that you are aware that your new coworker on your team is someone who is older than you but also you are aware of why he wasn't in the workforce. 

    It doesn't mean that you need to extend personal graciousness to him but you can also highlight to your management team why you may remain professionally resistant. 
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  • CasadenaCasadena member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    This is something I would address with your manager and HR. They're likely aware of his jailtime through a background check, but noting your personal experience with him and his victims, they should be able to provide you some reasonable accommodation from being alone with him. Don't reply to any personal messages. 
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    This is tricky.  It would help to understand better the work roles.  How this knowledge might affect the LW's job.  And the LW's relationship with HR and their manager.

    If I felt like it wouldn't affect how I do my job, I probably wouldn't say anything.  If Mr. Larson brings it up to me, I would make one statement like, "I'm sure you understand I don't like working with you. But I am putting that aside so it doesn't affect our jobs.  Please respect that and keep all of our conversations work-related only."

    If the LW doesn't think it would jeopardize their job or they think think it will affect how they can work with Mr. Larsen, then they should have a discussion about it with HR, their manager, or both.  To hopefully come up with a good resolution.  Perhaps it's unavoidable for them to not work with Mr. Larson at all, but maybe it could be kept to as much of a minimum as possible.
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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    HR likely knows because they probably did a background check. And you may live in a state where past criminal convictions don’t preclude you from employment. So HR probably already knows. 

    If you’re uncomfortable working with him, talk to your manager and HR rep. Because of your experience with the victims they may be accommodating that you’re not alone with him. But they may also say they’re aware of his past and he’s employed by the company and you need to work with as you would any other employee. And in the case you decide if you can, or if you look for another job that recognizes the impact. 
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Your manager and HR is your first stop, LW. It's not unreasonable for you to not want to interact with him, and most reasonable managers would want to do as much as they can to accommodate that. Especially with him already reaching out; he knows. If they're not helpful, it tells you a lot. I'd probably be looking for to make a move if I figured out that they weren't going to help.

    I wouldn't share with the other coworkers, though. At least not right away. It comes off more gossipy than being uncomfortable. 
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