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Yeesh.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence, 

My 24-year-old son has a daughter from a one-night stand that he refuses to be a part of her life. He feels the mom is “crazy” and will ruin his life.  In the beginning, he expressed a desire to very much be a part of her life and even had the soon-to-be mom stay with him for a while. Then she returned home and he became involved with someone else.

Now he completely refuses to acknowledge his daughter, who’s now 3 months old, and gave me an ultimatum that either I could have a relationship with him or with her. I believe strongly that babies need both parents and it’s his responsibility to be a dad. His dad has convinced him this woman will ruin him and have him locked up every chance she gets. I decided that I wanted to be a part of my granddaughter’s life and now both my children refuse to have a relationship with me at all. Was I wrong to want to be a part of my granddaughter’s life? I felt extremely guilty being involved and am essentially miserable over the entire situation. My granddaughter’s mom is allowing me to see her and keeps me updated on a regular basis. He thinks I took her side because I see the baby. He feels it’s my fault that she is seeking child support. I have always been extremely close to my kids and I’m devastated.

—Broken-Hearted Mom

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Re: Yeesh.

  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    It's time for tough love now.

    It's not your fault that she's seeking child support.  He's the biological parent and THAT is why she's seeking the support. 

    IMO, what I would do is see what professional counselors that are out there for situations involving how to maintain a relationship with the child when the parents are not involved with each other should that be something he wants.

    If both kids are upset with you though then please be careful with what you're doing and avoid over promising or insinuating anything to your granddaughter about your son.  Leave him out of discussions and absolutely do not make any judgment to your granddaughter or her mother.  By doing THAT you're going to alienate yourself from your kids - especially with the commentary that you think the kid needs both parents.  If the kid has one great parent and one shitty one then the kid does NOT need your shitty son.  But if you simply say that there's a kid who is in need of love that you're going to give then you're acting as the grandparent this kid needs.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited January 2023
    Woof, this sucks. Why is son's dad convincing him that the child's mother is going to get him locked up? Why is your other child opposed to you having a relationship with the baby and also ending your relationship over it? 

    This kid is basically born into a lot of suck on the paternal side. If you can give them love, do it. 
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I'd chose an innocent grandbaby over my loser son also.  But I'm sure that's easier said than done.

    I am curious why the LW's other child refuses to have a relationship with them.  And why the son's father thinks the woman will have the son locked up.

    I feel like we are missing important pieces of this story.  The granddaughter's mother may very well be a vindictive trainwreck and it might be wise for the son to avoid her.  But he is still a POS for fighting child support.
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  • CharmedPamCharmedPam member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Exactly @short+sassy, I also wondered why the child not involved in this is also against the grandma being in their life. There’s more to this story…. But at the end of the day, the baby is innocent and maybe both parents are POS? 

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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    VarunaTT said:
    I think there's some context missing.

    I think you keep the relationship with your granddaughter like you want and you stop talking to anyone else involved about your relationship with your granddaughter and don't let them talk to you about anything about the other relationships either.
    Exactly.

    The most functional relationships I've seen involve zero gossip or badmouthing.  When that involves parents no longer together it's even more important not to drag someone else into the conversation.


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