Wednesday is full of woe

VarunaTT · January 2023

IDK, I'm not feelin' today. It was a drag to get out of bed. I tried going to bed at 9 and I could've still gotten up at 5, but I didn't and went right back to sleep. IDK what's going on that myself is wanting 10-12 hours of sleep, but it seems I can't interrupt the pattern. I'm sure it's all just detoxing from the previous job, as well as dropping the Lexapro down. It's annoying.

I don't really have too much going on right now, which is both nice and boring. I'm going to see Mulholland Drive with a friend tonight. I haven't seen it in years and I don't remember liking it much, but it's with a really good friend and it's a social activity, so I'm going no matter what. I'm starting to consider going back to therapy, maybe for just a brush up and some mental handholding.

Otherwise, SSDD.

banana468 · January 2023

Still trying to figure out what to do at the local level with our town. I need to get the current meetings on our calendar so DH and I can be present and vocal about the current school budget. I'm grateful that many parents we know are also of the same viewpoint not because I want to surround myself with an echo chamber but because there is strength in numbers.

I need to take Chiquito for his annual physical this afternoon and about a month from now we start the evaluation process for Chiquita to see if she has ADHD. In the meantime I am BEGGING this kiddo to get the work done.

mrsconn23 · January 2023

I was dead asleep when my alarm went off this morning, dreaming a very odd dream. I definitely had to force myself out of the bed this morning.

Today seems/feels somewhat calmer than yesterday. I'll be interested to see how much of a hiccup the flight groundings from this morning impacts our volume and/or creates issues. Nothing so far yet. I bet if there are impacts into the weekend, we'll see an uptick in issues.

Tonight we *need* to get packing for the weekend. It's gonna be a lot of bags since we have boots, coats, ski pants, ski gear. Plus food and regular clothes and shoes. At least we're renting skis, so we don't have those to haul. And I need to reserve our hotel for tomorrow night. I'm such a slacker. LOL

ei34 · January 2023

In the middle of my every-other-week "Are you taking the kids this weekend?" with stbxh.

One of the kids has been having some big outbursts lately (and having and showing big feelings are fine but she's been saying things like "I wish I was dead!" "you wish I was dead!" "you hate me!" etc) so I'm feeling thankful tonight is a therapy night. Her counselor (who I love) agreed to me joining in for at least part of the session...whew.

Casadena · January 2023

oh @ei34 i'm so sorry you and your kiddos are going through that. Thankful you have a good relationship with their counselor. Thinking of you all frequently.

banana468 · January 2023

ei34 said:

In the middle of my every-other-week "Are you taking the kids this weekend?" with stbxh.

One of the kids has been having some big outbursts lately (and having and showing big feelings are fine but she's been saying things like "I wish I was dead!" "you wish I was dead!" "you hate me!" etc) so I'm feeling thankful tonight is a therapy night. Her counselor (who I love) agreed to me joining in for at least part of the session...whew.

Oh that is SO HARD. All the hugs for you guys navigating the hard feelings right now.

Casadena · January 2023

G is starting potty training again this week and it's going super well. He was mostly done with this right before his diagnosis and obviously regressed after 2 hospital stays and not being able to walk for 5 weeks bc of med side effects. Only 1 accident yesterday! I told him he was getting so grown up and jokingly asked "are going off to college next week already" and he said "yup, you and daddy can drop me off, i might miss you, but i'm not sure". I was laughing so hard.

Work is still going well at the new job, i like the team and love my new boss. Feeling a little better today about the old job/non-promotion.

Debating a workout or ordering lunch today. I think we know what will win but i'm still holding out (and i actually brought my gym bag today).

MissKittyDanger · January 2023

@VarunaTT urg I swear with everything going on, I don't blame you.
I'm just getting into a better sleep cycle after awhile of it being awful and I still struggle in the morning.

@ei34 fuck that dude. You're better than me, I'd give up and stop asking until he does.
Poor kiddo probably feeling rage with divorce and how stbxh drama is affecting them - plus, I'm guessing age here, but puberty?

@Casadena whooo! It's great when they get right back to mostly same pace after something throws them off

Idk about your technique but we decided long ago to let BK take reigns, and she's done so much on her own choice we never pushed {no pull up in bed, using toilet vs potty}

MissKittyDanger · January 2023

We're redoing our closet soon. I've been talking to M about it.
My plan for my stuff is I'm trying everything on first. Anything that doesn't fit or feel right, is immediately gone.
Rest will be reviewed later.

I'm allowing some stuff that doesn't fit if it's a barely doesn't fit - because I'm starting at the gym, and that could change how things fit later.

I have a meeting next week with our on-boarding manager about our new roles and our anticipated future plans.
I hope I don't need to do a timeline of my stuff, because I know what I'd like to do but some things vary so much.
I have a list of questions I wanna ask.

One thing is potentially relocating later - our lease in our office is up in 1.5yr and I really don't wanna do a downtown commute. I'd rather the office near me ish.
If it's location I think, it's near my friend who works at Starbucks lol

short+sassy · January 2023

@VarunaTT, it probably is a good idea to check back in with your therapist and/or see your medical doctor. I'm assuming the sleep issues are a side effect of lowering the Lexapro does, but they might have suggestions to better get over this hump as well as verify that is what the issue is.

@banana468, good luck fighting the good fight! Fwiw, my H and I and our neighbors won at city hall a few years ago. It was a liquor store whose building had been destroyed in a storm and they wanted to keep their grandfathered liquor license, even though they were across the street from a park. I'm pretty sure the city council would have okayed that, if it hadn't been for 50+ people showing up at the meeting to voice our opposition

Not much going on for me. The usual trudging along.

I'm annoyed at one of my insurance companies. It's for one of the rentals I'm under contract for and I called them last month to drop the "personal property" part of the coverage. It's a $183 line item. My only property is the fridges and stoves. They told me they would and then sent me a docu-sign.

But I got the new policy packet, it just renewed on 12/21, and that line item was still there. Turns out, they decided I couldn't drop it.

I was already mad they hadn't done what I told them to. Plus, I had already sat on hold for 15 minutes on Friday, only to be shuttled to an answering machine where I asked them to call me after 2pm. The CSR said something like, "I'm returning your call, the note says to call after 2pm." I started laughing and told her that was after 2pm on Friday. Because I was expecting to be called back shortly. Not FOUR days later, so the time doesn't even matter anymore. But then I did thank her for returning the call because I knew I sounded annoyed, because I was.

Then I was completely livid when she told me they couldn't drop the personal property, but could only reduce it. I was especially mad they hadn't even notified me, after I had literally signed a docu-sign that dropped it. After my first two sentences, I had to stop myself for a sec and calm down and apologize to her. I told her I was sorry I was so snarky and I wasn't mad at her, but I am just so angry because all of this is outrageous. There is no possible reason I can think of for why they can't drop the personal property. It's a rental. I do not have personal property there, except kitchen appliances. I have no need for and do not want that part of the insurance, so why are they forcing me to carry it. She didn't know why and is going to have a manager contact me. I guess that will be at least another four days (I didn't say that).

Turns out, they had mailed me a letter telling me this. But had effed up and mailed it to the property address, instead of to the mailing address.

For now, she helped me lower the amount of coverage to their "minimum", which almost cut the amount in half.

It's like an underline of why I'm moving out of state. To have insurance company choices again, so I can kick crap companies like this to the curb. It's not even so much the money, though that to, but the principle. I know my lender can force me to carry more insurance on the actual property than I need to, which is already so stupid. But now the insurance company themselves are going to tell me I HAVE to carry a particular piece of insurance. GTFO.

ei34 · January 2023

@Casadena Go G go!!
@MissKittyDanger maybe puberty (I know girls are starting earlier and earlier but DD is 8) but maybe divorce-related strife? One of my sisters was pretty ragey in her early teens but it was more "I hate you!" to my parents, than telling them that they hated her. Not to armchair-psychologist my own kid bc I'm too close to the source and biased, but my worry is that she's feeling abandonment (stbxh super favored her over her sibs) and thinks he hates her and is telling me that I hate her so that she receives the reassurance that I don't? Okay typing it out loud it sounds like a stretch...I'm at a loss and just want her to feel loved and safe which I really thought I was doing but maybe I'm not. Our practice offers individual as well as family therapy so hoping we can begin to work on things.

VarunaTT · January 2023

@ei34 I would venture to say that, even though what she's saying feels terrible, she indeed does feel loved and safe...or she wouldn't say those things at all. She'd internalize them into something else.

MissKittyDanger · January 2023

@ei34 pre-puberty I hear is starting earlier recently but mixed with post-divorce strife could be a nasty mix.
I know it's weird, but do your kids know full reason of split? Maybe she's thinking this could have been avoided and relaying out in anger?

short+sassy · January 2023

@ei34, I'm sorry to hear DD is having big feelings and some hurt. I hope the therapy session helps. I know I don't know you IRL, but you sound like an amazing mom. The way you talk about your children and all the things you are doing, especially during this extra stressful time with the divorce and the stbexh not being as present in his children's lives as he should be. I'd think she does feel safe and loved by you, but is lashing out at the things out of her control.

@Casadena, I'm glad G's potty training is going well. That conversation about going to college and he might miss you all is adorable!

@MissKittyDanger, good luck with better organizing. That same task has been hanging over me also. I need to go through every piece of clothing I have and be brutal. If it doesn't fit or I don't reasonably picture ever wearing it again, it needs to be trashed or go to Goodwill.

I was getting quotes from moving companies, including "pod type" companies, a couple days ago. The less we have, the cheaper and easier it is! Trying to use that as motivation, lol.

Casadena · January 2023

@short+sassy and @MissKittyDanger if you guys have Buy Nothing Facebook groups in your area, highly recommend. People seem to JUMP at gently used clothes. And they pickup from your house which is just amazing.

short+sassy · January 2023

Casadena said:

@short+sassy and @MissKittyDanger if you guys have Buy Nothing Facebook groups in your area, highly recommend. People seem to JUMP at gently used clothes. And they pickup from your house which is just amazing.

Thanks, that's a good idea. I'm just so used to going to Goodwill, other groups didn't occur to me, lol.

charlotte989875 · January 2023

Some super bad shit has happened at my company with an employee. It was very bad. He’s been fired but it hurt a lot of people. We’re all reeling a bit. I wasn’t a target but close friends were and it’s awful.

mrsconn23 · January 2023

charlotte989875 said:

Some super bad shit has happened at my company with an employee. It was very bad. He’s been fired but it hurt a lot of people. We’re all reeling a bit. I wasn’t a target but close friends were and it’s awful.

Oh no! That's gotta shake you up a lot. I'm sure that kind of event in the workplace is disorienting and makes you feel vulnerable.

If there was a threat of violence or a concern that there could be a safety issue, are y'all be communicated with how they're going to protect you?

short+sassy · January 2023

charlotte989875 said:

Some super bad shit has happened at my company with an employee. It was very bad. He’s been fired but it hurt a lot of people. We’re all reeling a bit. I wasn’t a target but close friends were and it’s awful.

Wow! Without even knowing what it is, that's really upsetting from the sound of your words. Especially at a workplace where it effects morale and everyone, even those who were not targets. I hope things die down quickly and no one is too upset.

At a previous company I worked at, we were at a government facility (Navy) who ran our networks and owned the computers. They had legal authority to look at whatever they wanted and did it often. One guy got caught with prolific child pornography on his work computer. The Navy's IT found it and contacted the local police. He was arrested at our workplace, and the police carried away his computer at the same time. I've sometimes wondered if he consciously or sub-consciously wanted to get caught because it was almost inevitable.

We were all shocked at what was happening. At first, most people didn't know why he was being led away in handcuffs. But within a couple hours, everyone knew, and the atmosphere was somber and sad. I hadn't known him that well but had liked him. He was an especially friendly and outgoing person. It shakes your judgment and faith in other people when something like that happens.

MissKittyDanger · January 2023

@short+sassy it's a daunting task. I'm fairly brutal with clothing, but knowing I'm trying on EVERYTHING is just urg ...
I already know 1 top I need to try on. If it doesn't fit well I might give it a few months but only because I really like the top lol

@Casadena yah my plan is to send to our Buy Nothing group

My clothes I don't mind because it doesn't feel like a lot but BK's clothes I always sell to consignment if I can't give to someone I know.

VarunaTT · January 2023

Especially if you're a larger woman (I'm not judging, I am a larger woman), I always donate to the domestic violence shelter here. Ours has a "business" closet for the clients to go through for interviews and such, to get back on their feet. They always needs sizes 14+ it seems like.

CharmedPam · January 2023

@ei34 😢 that is heartbreaking and I have heard of a disgruntled parent trying to get back at the other by turning the kids against them and judging on what you’ve said, I wouldn’t put it past him. @Casadena, that is GREAT! Lol @ G
@charlotte989875 I’m sorry everything’s been rocked

short+sassy · January 2023

MissKittyDanger said:

@short+sassy it's a daunting task. I'm fairly brutal with clothing, but knowing I'm trying on EVERYTHING is just urg ...
I already know 1 top I need to try on. If it doesn't fit well I might give it a few months but only because I really like the top lol

@Casadena yah my plan is to send to our Buy Nothing group
My clothes I don't mind because it doesn't feel like a lot but BK's clothes I always sell to consignment if I can't give to someone I know.

True! In the past, I wasn't moving, so I kept stuff I liked or thought were useful even if I wasn't sure if it fit me. Because, of course, someday a fairy godmother might come along and whisk away 20-30 pounds, lol.

But this time, I need to try things on which will take a lot more time and be more depressing because I know I gained a bit of weight since the last time I wore some of these items.

STARMOON44 · January 2023

@MissKittyDanger solidarity! This weekend is my traditional closet clean out weekend because we have a long weekend. And it is just so sorely needed. I get overwhelmed really quickly so tonight’s project is making a schedule and a plan so I actually make real progress. But like ten year old work clothes? I do not need you in my life!

charlotte989875 · January 2023

mrsconn23 said:

charlotte989875 said:

Some super bad shit has happened at my company with an employee. It was very bad. He’s been fired but it hurt a lot of people. We’re all reeling a bit. I wasn’t a target but close friends were and it’s awful.

Oh no! That's gotta shake you up a lot. I'm sure that kind of event in the workplace is disorienting and makes you feel vulnerable.

If there was a threat of violence or a concern that there could be a safety issue, are y'all be communicated with how they're going to protect you?

Luckily ours teams responded so well and have been working with the victims on safety but it all just sucks. He was someone we thought was an ally.

MissKittyDanger · January 2023

@STARMOON44 see I mildly disagree. I have a dress I keep thinking I'll toss but it's so light and cotton and comfy for work so I keep it. I've had it probably 9 years? I wear it a lot so I can't justify tossing it.

Have you done the hanger trick? Flip hangers at the beginning of the year etc?
That's always worked for me. Guarantee tossing at least 2 items!

I have so many tips and tricks and still absolutely hate doing it lmao

MissKittyDanger · January 2023

short+sassy said:

MissKittyDanger said:

@short+sassy it's a daunting task. I'm fairly brutal with clothing, but knowing I'm trying on EVERYTHING is just urg ...
I already know 1 top I need to try on. If it doesn't fit well I might give it a few months but only because I really like the top lol

@Casadena yah my plan is to send to our Buy Nothing group
My clothes I don't mind because it doesn't feel like a lot but BK's clothes I always sell to consignment if I can't give to someone I know.

True! In the past, I wasn't moving, so I kept stuff I liked or thought were useful even if I wasn't sure if it fit me. Because, of course, someday a fairy godmother might come along and whisk away 20-30 pounds, lol.

But this time, I need to try things on which will take a lot more time and be more depressing because I know I gained a bit of weight since the last time I wore some of these items.

Saaaame!
There's 1 top I really like so I may hold it because I am starting at the gym, so maybe in 6 months it'll fit better?
I sometimes make exceptions for stuff I like but don't fit

levioosa · January 2023

I’m sorry @charlotte989875. That is so stressful.

short+sassy · January 2023

I just had such a bizarre phone call from Section 8. More so the "order" in which the case worker told me the pertinent information.

A longtime tenant was approved for a voucher last year. She originally got a one-bedroom voucher, I assume she didn't mention her adult daughter lived with her. I told her I couldn't accept the voucher, because it's a 3-bedroom house. A few months later she got it bumped to a 2-bedroomvoucher. Lots of very long stories, short. It was a very lengthy process, but she knew that going in. We passed the inspection at the end of December.

Now it's the waiting game for S8 to contact me with what the rent offer is, as well as get their paperwork signed if I accept that amount.

They called me today. So far, yay. That was sooner than I was expecting. They told me they approved the rental amount I requested. I'd been worried about that because it was only a 2-bedroom voucher. Oh yeah! Happy dance! Then the conversation took a bad turn:

S8: Your tenant's portion is 100%.
Me: I'm sorry, how much is the tenant's portion?
S8: ($ the whole rent I requested).
Me: I don't...understand. Is S8 not paying ANY portion of her rent? So, it's basically like she doesn't have a voucher?
S8: I guess you could say that. She technically has a voucher, but her household income (the daughter) is too high for us to pay any of her rent.

I tried in vain to point out that my tenant has no income herself and couldn't they help this family out and pay something. Nope. They don't qualify. The caseworker told me she would notify my tenant. I ruefully laughed and said I was glad I didn't need to deliver the bad news and thanked her for calling me.

I'm not sure when my tenant gave them her daughter's income info. If it was recently then, yeah that sucks, but it's not surprising. However, if it was months ago...and I suspect it was...when they changed her voucher to a 2-bedroom, then I'm angry and disappointed for my tenant. Because that means they strung her along for all this time, got her hopes up, and wasted everyone's time for nothing.

Wednesday is full of woe

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