Start doing porch drop-offs and also, work on an exit plan from the job and grandma's house.

mrsconn23 · February 2023

Dear Prudence,

I am 18 and I work in a grocery store. I live with my grandma. She is very religious and all about “charity starts at home.” She makes me look out for breaks at work. Like marked down meats or toilet paper. Then I have to buy it and deliver it to the less fortunate members of her church (she does pay me back).

This wouldn’t be so bad, except the majority of the people are jerks. I either get morons who think I am trying to poison them with bad food or complainers who try to treat me like a bad delivery driver (they wanted wings, not drumsticks!) I had one lady actually curse me out because the free pizzas I gave her were cheese and not meat. I don’t know how they act so surprised because the church phone tree tells them what to expect.

I get yelled at at work by customers. My grandma tells me that I can’t expect these people to be grateful, and God will bless me in my own life. I am tired of doing this. I don’t want to quit my job, but that is the only way out I see. How do I get through to my grandma?

— No More Charity

banana468 · February 2023

It's time to put your foot down and consider the next steps of moving out if Grandma does not understand that you can be charitable but that also means that you do not consent to being a doormat.

charlotte989875 · February 2023

Tell your grandma the only way you’re continuing is if she does the drop offs.

climbingsingle · February 2023

I'd just straight up tell the Gma that you can't handle the abuse these people are doling out, and that she needs to find someone else to do the deliveries. Don't quit your job over this. And formulate a plan to move out.

mrsconn23 · February 2023

Grandma sounds like MIL's mom, who was definitely one of those Christians. She loved to talk about how God would provide and whatnot while she made the lives of anyone she viewed as 'help' a nightmare. I got out of dining out with her often, but the few times I had to be present for it, it was an embarrassing nightmare of her basically trying to scam two entrees and pay for as little as possible and never tipping. DH and his siblings also hated it and we'd openly vent to each other about what damn nightmare person she was. And she was racist AF. I could go on and on about her, but she's dead and it's not worth it. As T.Swzzle sings: "she's looking up at us from hell."

Anyway, I feel sorry for this LW. It sounds like they are caught between a rock and a hard place. I would at the very least tell grandma I'm not knocking on doors and just doing porch drops. It sounds like these people know what they're getting and when it's coming, so I don't see the need for LW to have to put up with their bullshit.

LW needs to take a second job (if it's possible) so they can build up to GTFO-ing. Plus, they'd then be too busy to put in the 'volunteer' delivery shifts.

short+sassy · February 2023

There's a difference between not showing gratitude and being downright verbally abusive to someone doing them a favor. It's sad this "Christian" grandmother doesn't seem to care that their grandchild is being treated poorly, by helping her out.

The LW needs to explain that to their grandma, just like they did here, and tell her they are not doing the drop-offs anymore. Period. It sounds like the LW doesn't mind picking up the discounted groceries, which is already a big help to the grandma's charitable actions.

kerbohl · February 2023

"You are yelling at me that this free pizza is cheese and not meat? Okay, I will take these home and we'll find someone else who needs them as there is no shortage of people in need these days. We'll make a note in your file that you prefer meat, though we very infrequently get that so you probably won't see too many. Thanks for letting me know and have a nice day!"
And then walk away with the pizzas. Because I get that these people are in need but no one deserves to be verbally abused. And people who are verbally abusive should not be rewarded with free pizza.

short+sassy · February 2023

kerbohl said:

"You are yelling at me that this free pizza is cheese and not meat? Okay, I will take these home and we'll find someone else who needs them as there is no shortage of people in need these days. We'll make a note in your file that you prefer meat, though we very infrequently get that so you probably won't see too many. Thanks for letting me know and have a nice day!"
And then walk away with the pizzas. Because I get that these people are in need but no one deserves to be verbally abused. And people who are verbally abusive should not be rewarded with free pizza.

I admittedly won't eat just a cheese pizza either. But I will happily take free ones! Because then it is only the much smaller cost of adding my own toppings

.

I remember during the first year of the pandemic, there was a big organization giving out a box of free food 1-2x/week out of a nearby church. From the posts I read about it on NextDoor, it was pretty much the same food each week and there were some disappointments about that. I hope no one was rude to the charity/church volunteers giving out the boxes.

But, overall, NextDoor was great! Most of the posts were people trading or giving away the food in the box they were not going to use.

Start doing porch drop-offs and also, work on an exit plan from the job and grandma's house.

Re: Start doing porch drop-offs and also, work on an exit plan from the job and grandma's house.

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