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Therapy, therapy, therapy.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

My father died after a long, tortuous illness in March 2020 just as COVID happened. I had frankly been holding on until he was gone to release that pent up grief and pain via the “normal” rituals of funeral and burial. But we couldn’t have those, and for reasons that are inexplicable to me, my mom and siblings chose a two-sentence obituary when that was all we had to honor him publicly.

I need to mourn, I need the ritual. But I don’t know how to do it so far past his death. I can’t be the only reader of yours dealing with this issue—how did they honor their loved ones? How did they create a space for healing?

— Grief Is a Fanny Pack

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Re: Therapy, therapy, therapy.

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    short+sassyshort+sassy member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Agree with therapy.  Group therapies for grief might also be a good option so the LW doesn't feel so alone in theirs.

    For remembrance, planting a tree is always a nice idea.  Or if they see an opportunity to buy a plaque, in an area that might have been meaningful to their father.  Benches in parks often have those.  Though I suspect it's buying the whole bench and I'm not sure how pricy that is.
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    STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    If you’re part of a faith tradition, I think lots of spiritual leaders would be very willing to work with you on some sort of ceremony even if it’s just for you.  
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    flantasticflantastic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    STARMOON44 said:
    If you’re part of a faith tradition, I think lots of spiritual leaders would be very willing to work with you on some sort of ceremony even if it’s just for you.  
    Yeah, we do these "memorials" fairly frequently at my parish.

    A coworker (who scheduled funerals and also knew a lot of the deceased from just coming in to the church office) said that she liked funerals because they do what they are supposed to - they give some closure through the ritual. If you need that, ask for it. You might have to take point but your mom/siblings might be interested too.
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