Wedding Woes

Prudie Thursday

Ran errands yesterday after work (Costco and Walmart).  I've filled out my timesheet up to the present.  The first step in changing a small, bad habit of always waiting until it needs to be turned in.  I'm proud of myself, lol.

Not much else going on.  I hope you all are having a good day.
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VarunaTTlevioosa

Re: Prudie Thursday

  • Since I missed yesterday and didn't even realize it:

    @CharmedPam Of course you have feels!  I did when my exH remarried and I did when I broke up with K and he was still married.  The way I finally started thinking about it was that my divorce was because I would be a happier, healthier person not in this relationship anymore.  It took a long time, but I hope the same for him to a point.  I'm not in competition with him...I had already won by taking my life back.  Together we weren't going to accomplish anything anymore. Just a small petty voice: And, just having known him for so long, I highly doubt anything will be different in his new relationship, but honestly I hope it is.  No other woman deserves to go through what I went through with him either.

    @banana468 I'm so glad about your dad.  I hope the rehab helps him heal quickly and easily.

    I was WFH yesterday and this project just keeps expanding.  Not only do I now know about 52K pages of documents to review, but I found a LOT of information that was just randomly saved, obviously hasn't been reviewed or organized, and after meeting with boss, he didn't know about either.  And it looks like my deadline is going to be January, so this is now my main focus except for whatever he directly tells me to do.

    Otherwise, SSDD (for Thursday).  I was supposed to go out to a concert today at a local brewery, but it's supposed to storm.  The person I was going with has always been a germophobe, but the pandemic made it worse.  The concert was outside, but they're moving it inside and she refuses to be indoors, close quarters like that.  Which is fine, I'm not judging her, it just means we changed our plans and I'm going over to her place on Saturday, which also means PUPPY SNUGGLES.  She has a new puppy named Gumbo.  I love the name.  So, it's an okay transition.  So that's this week's social outing and I already have next week's planned.  I've figured out that right now, I can only do about 1 thing/week planned, otherwise I end up canceling something.

    I did speak with my friend and they took my boundary very well and apologized for how they treated me.  Basically, not for the first time, we were hanging out, they got emotional and decided to call someone...with me sitting right there.  They went out on their patio and talked to this person, while I finished my glass of wine and then got up to leave.  They came in about that time and kept apologizing...but did not get off the telephone conversation.  I just told them that this wasn't the first time they had done this to me, I wasn't going to tell them to stop the behavior or anything else, I was just telling them that any time it happened again, I would be immediately leaving, no matter where we were or what situation we were in.  I said it very much hurt my feelings and made me feel very small and unimportant to them.  They apologized, said they were embarassed, that I didn't deserve that, and that they would be more mindful of their actions in the future.  But honestly?  I don't think our friendship will survive this...I think they're going to be too upset with themselves and will avoid me, rather than just deal with it.  Oh well.
    short+sassymrsconn23levioosaMNNEBride
  • @VarunaTT, a goal for completion that's over 9 months away.  Yikes!  I hope you're not planning to work on Saturdays for most of that time.  A 6-day work week is okay for brief periods of time, but it's too much of a work/life imbalance to do for months.

    I hope that friendship gets better instead of slowly fading.  But I know what you mean.  Some people will choose to avoid, instead of doing something that reminds them of their bad actions.
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  • ei34ei34 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Glad you guys were able to have a constructive talk @Casadena, sending you all the vibes, you're balancing so much right now
    Also glad for your boundaries discussion with your friend @VarunaTT, it was definitely needed that was super rude
    @banana468 healing vibes your family's way

    Well I bit the bullet and turned the heat back on yesterday afternoon.  It was 80 late last week so I decided we were done with heat for the season, but it's been in the 50s the last few days (low 40s overnight) and yesterday morning the thermostat read 57.  My kids aren't huge "I'm cold" complainers but they were complaining.  Whoops. But I hope I can turn it off again soon.  Thankfully only Tiger Scouts this evening, it was a busy week.  
    short+sassylevioosacharlotte989875
  • I am tired and stressed out today.  Work and personal life have had a lot going on this week. 

    The promotion saga is not over yet (I know, don't even get me started).  But DH made his best and final offer this morning.  We need some damn closure from this and be able to move on.  Here's hoping it's not going to drag on for another 3 (!!!) weeks. 

    It's going to be in the 80's today and then drop way down to the 50's and be cold all weekend.  I don't want to turn the heat back on.  Ugh. 

    Prudie coming up. 
  • @mrsconn23 are they still wanting him desperately in that job but lowballing him? 
  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited April 2023
    @ei34 @STARMOON44 I almost broke yesterday and turned my heat back on as well.  The back and forth in temperatures is hard to handle right now.  I did end up just bundling up more, but only b/c I knew today was going to be back to the 70s again.  My apartment just seems to run cold all the time, which is nice in summer, but somewhat of a nightmare any other time.

    Yes, said friend was very rude.  I was in shock the first time it happened, I was furious the 2nd time (but we were out of town together and there wasn't much I could do) and this time, I just had it.  I even said, "Now?!" in a very "you have got to be kidding me" tone of voice when they said they were going to make the call.  They just said Yes and walked off.  There is a lot of heavy things going on in their life right now and I told them I was willing to give grace to that, but this behavior had happened before, so it was time to speak up.

    @short+sassy We'll see.  I try not to work more than every other Saturday, but this is on a "needs to be done ASAP" so that I'm not pulling 12-16 hours days closer to January.  
    short+sassy
  • banana468 said:
    @mrsconn23 are they still wanting him desperately in that job but lowballing him? 
    It's even more stupid than that. His company has this weird structure where you report to people 'on paper' but take your direction from someone totally different.  I'm sure it's got something to do with cost centers and whatever. 

    The guy he'll report to on paper seems like a dick and didn't "like" how DH counter-offered (basically how he said what he said...apparently DH was 'too direct' or something) and also thinks that we're a 'small market'  (therefore harder to travel from...even though we have direct flights from here to many of the places DH needs to go in the US), and has a perception that DH won't travel as much as the position requires (because of the 'small market' thing or 'vibes' or whatever).  DH has literally only talked to the guy in the interview.  Of course, this is all secondhand information.

    But the lady he'll take all his direction from (her and her team) to really wants DH for the role and she's trying her best to get him $$.  But she's also all, "You haven't been around long and you're a new commodity and that's why he has concerns."

    Ugh.  I don't even know what I want anymore.  Do I want them to meet his second counter or say 'no' and make it easy for us to walk?  I don't think walking away will make it so he'll never have other opportunities, but I also don't exactly trust the people who've told him to walk away and what their motives are either. 
    VarunaTTcharlotte989875
  • I suffered through the heat the four days we had it.  I was not ready for the a/c! I cannot turn it on before May. And even then…
    Thanks for the kind words @VarunaTT.  I experienced a loyal, trusted relationship after him and I know what it feels like and of course I want that.  After you get to know the real exH, you start to realize most things coming out of his mouth is a lie. Who wants that? Agreed to the rude friend. Like an emergency call for sure but that wasn’t one
    @mrsconn23 oh I hope he gets what he wants! 
    @Casadena, good luck with therapy.  I hope your therapist works out.  Sounds positive that H agrees and willing to participate.
    yay tax season being OVER @Jen4948

    I had to go into my office this morning because my computer shuts off every once and awhile.  And only mine! IT says the power settings are ok. So I’m so confused why it’s me only! Also, the department store cosmetic counters are running “free gifts with purchases” right now - and I’ll give three guesses as to who’s a sucker for those?  
    But you’ll only need one.

    short+sassyVarunaTT
  • banana468 said:
    VarunaTT said:
    mrsconn23 said:
    banana468 said:
    @mrsconn23 are they still wanting him desperately in that job but lowballing him? 
    It's even more stupid than that. His company has this weird structure where you report to people 'on paper' but take your direction from someone totally different.  I'm sure it's got something to do with cost centers and whatever. 

    The guy he'll report to on paper seems like a dick and didn't "like" how DH counter-offered (basically how he said what he said...apparently DH was 'too direct' or something) and also thinks that we're a 'small market'  (therefore harder to travel from...even though we have direct flights from here to many of the places DH needs to go in the US), and has a perception that DH won't travel as much as the position requires (because of the 'small market' thing or 'vibes' or whatever).  DH has literally only talked to the guy in the interview.  Of course, this is all secondhand information.

    I don't understand how a counter offer can be anything but direct and all of the other stuff just seems like fluff complaining.  Dude is just pissed that your DH knows his worth and didn't take the lowball.
    Also sounds like he's pissed that DH was clear about it directly rather than try to wordsmith his counter fawning all over new boss.

    If new boss is already condescending it's likely already an issue especially if he's going to take direction from that other person.    It would make me want to have it put into writing that employment is contingent upon a different management structure. 
    DH asked the lady who wants him for the role why it's reporting to this guy and she said it's because the higher-ups think it gives the position more clout and visibility.  Whatever the hell that means in their world.  
    charlotte989875
  • mrsconn23 said:
    banana468 said:
    VarunaTT said:
    mrsconn23 said:
    banana468 said:
    @mrsconn23 are they still wanting him desperately in that job but lowballing him? 
    It's even more stupid than that. His company has this weird structure where you report to people 'on paper' but take your direction from someone totally different.  I'm sure it's got something to do with cost centers and whatever. 

    The guy he'll report to on paper seems like a dick and didn't "like" how DH counter-offered (basically how he said what he said...apparently DH was 'too direct' or something) and also thinks that we're a 'small market'  (therefore harder to travel from...even though we have direct flights from here to many of the places DH needs to go in the US), and has a perception that DH won't travel as much as the position requires (because of the 'small market' thing or 'vibes' or whatever).  DH has literally only talked to the guy in the interview.  Of course, this is all secondhand information.

    I don't understand how a counter offer can be anything but direct and all of the other stuff just seems like fluff complaining.  Dude is just pissed that your DH knows his worth and didn't take the lowball.
    Also sounds like he's pissed that DH was clear about it directly rather than try to wordsmith his counter fawning all over new boss.

    If new boss is already condescending it's likely already an issue especially if he's going to take direction from that other person.    It would make me want to have it put into writing that employment is contingent upon a different management structure. 
    DH asked the lady who wants him for the role why it's reporting to this guy and she said it's because the higher-ups think it gives the position more clout and visibility.  Whatever the hell that means in their world.  
    Can he do any kind of LinkedIn search on the guy to see if there's any legitimacy to the statement? 

    If it's hollow words it would make me want to respond with something like, "This may be the way management wants to structure the position however the current approach taken with offers requires me to tell you that my acceptance of the position is contingent upon a management structure where his position is not a part of the hierarchy of my role."
    charlotte989875
  • banana468 said:
    mrsconn23 said:
    banana468 said:
    VarunaTT said:
    mrsconn23 said:
    banana468 said:
    @mrsconn23 are they still wanting him desperately in that job but lowballing him? 
    It's even more stupid than that. His company has this weird structure where you report to people 'on paper' but take your direction from someone totally different.  I'm sure it's got something to do with cost centers and whatever. 

    The guy he'll report to on paper seems like a dick and didn't "like" how DH counter-offered (basically how he said what he said...apparently DH was 'too direct' or something) and also thinks that we're a 'small market'  (therefore harder to travel from...even though we have direct flights from here to many of the places DH needs to go in the US), and has a perception that DH won't travel as much as the position requires (because of the 'small market' thing or 'vibes' or whatever).  DH has literally only talked to the guy in the interview.  Of course, this is all secondhand information.

    I don't understand how a counter offer can be anything but direct and all of the other stuff just seems like fluff complaining.  Dude is just pissed that your DH knows his worth and didn't take the lowball.
    Also sounds like he's pissed that DH was clear about it directly rather than try to wordsmith his counter fawning all over new boss.

    If new boss is already condescending it's likely already an issue especially if he's going to take direction from that other person.    It would make me want to have it put into writing that employment is contingent upon a different management structure. 
    DH asked the lady who wants him for the role why it's reporting to this guy and she said it's because the higher-ups think it gives the position more clout and visibility.  Whatever the hell that means in their world.  
    Can he do any kind of LinkedIn search on the guy to see if there's any legitimacy to the statement? 

    If it's hollow words it would make me want to respond with something like, "This may be the way management wants to structure the position however the current approach taken with offers requires me to tell you that my acceptance of the position is contingent upon a management structure where his position is not a part of the hierarchy of my role."
    We just talked again and we're more leaning toward not taking it even if his counter is accepted.  We ran through a couple scenarios where he can bow out with reason and one of them being that he's not comfortable reporting to this guy.  Also, his SVP is in town and DH had a conversation with him.  SVP was basically like, "if you don't end up accepting this role, it has no bearing on your future/my opinion of you" and he also mentioned a couple of other things to DH that makes turning this down more and more palatable and that other opportunities are going to be out there.  I also told DH that if he hears nothing by next week, then he should just proactively pull himself out of the process and the reason being basically, "I no longer feel this is the right opportunity for me and I need to move on." 

    VarunaTTbanana468MNNEBridecharlotte989875
  • Ugh @mrsconn23 that is so annoying. Good vibes it all gets figured out asap. 

    @banana468 the new onset urinary incontinence and confusion make me very suspicious for UTI. He had a fall and it’s not uncommon for the geriatric population to develop them post fall. Especially if he had a Foley catheter temporarily after surgery. I would advocate for a urine dip and culture to be done to check. 

    Work was…a hot mess yesterday. The communication here is just nil. I didn’t have any staff coverage yesterday morning because someone higher up changed the schedule without checking if the other person was going to be here. So I saw my patient check in at 8:10 (appointment was actually scheduled at 8:30), 8:50 I’m looking at my schedule annoyed that the first patient of the day is taking so long to room, 8:55 am I go to check what the holdup is and no one is there. So then I had to go talk to management. I don’t know what’s more annoying, the lack of planning and communication, or the fact that I’m so used to my staff being 25-30 minutes slow (for the first frigging patient of the day) that it took me that long to notice. 

    Then there were just a lot of back and forth communication shenanigans on coverage and honestly I’m not even sure what’s happening anymore. I’m just going to show up to work next week and wherever they have me, they have me I guess. The cherry on top was the freeway shutdown last night and my normal night commute of 25 minutes turned into an hour, AND I got off work 30 minutes late. 

    Otherwise SSDD. My Dad called me excited he discovered some new movement in his hand, which is neat. I hope he keeps the momentum of training and therapy up. He’s gotten pretty bad with the Facebook reels of scrolling and scrolling for hours and it’s definitely affected him cognitively. Also I don’t like that because of the amount of conservatives on his FB it’s making him kind of a political asshole because it’s all he’s absorbing. Ugh social media. 


    image
    VarunaTTshort+sassyMNNEBridecharlotte989875
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