Dear Prudence,
I have two stepdaughters, “Eva” and “Bella.” Bella decided at 13 she would rather go live with her father after the marriage and our move. Since then, she has had very little to do with me and even less with my extended family, despite our best efforts. She has been invited on every family vacation and been included with the same birthday and Christmas gifts that the other grandkids got—but she’s never responded. Bella never acted out or was rude, but she has said to me that she doesn’t consider me anything but her mother’s husband. After she went to college, I wouldn’t see her for years. She preferred her mother and sister to visit alone. On the other hand, Eva is very close to my family. She calls my parents every week and considers them her “extra” grandparents.
Bella and Eva are both in their thirties now. My great-grandmother died last month. My parents inherited a considerable amount of wealth and plan to pass a portion out to the grandkids. That doesn’t include Bella. Their logic is that this is family money, and Bella has made it clear she doesn’t consider herself part of our family. She hasn’t talked to anyone in my family since she graduated college. My wife is very upset and thinks my parents want to “punish” Bella and that this will put a wedge between the sisters. I told my wife that it’s my parents’ money and Bella can’t get angry. She doesn’t get money from people she has made it clear she wants nothing to do with. My wife and I paid for Bella’s education and bought her first car. Eva still has college loans. I think the entire affair is out of our hands. My wife insists I need to make my parents see “reason.” We could use a second opinion, please.
—Money Troubles