They're *your* guns to stick to...or not.

Re: They're *your* guns to stick to...or not.

• banana468 member

  

  May 2023

  What's stopping you?   
  
  After seeing what's going on w/ my dad I'd be more inclined if you see that this is a life match to match for life.  You want that person to have rights to be by your side when the crap hits the fan. 

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• charlotte989875 member

  

  May 2023

  What are the “logical” concerns you have? 

  
  

  However if you have talked throughout your relationship about “maybe someday” this doesn’t seem like a deeply held belief against marriage. Get married or don’t but don’t do either because of something you think you’re supposed to believe. 

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• short+sassy member

  

  May 2023

  Right.  It's hard to give advice when they don't mention what the reservations/logic arguments are.  To me, it's usually more logical for people to get married, though there can certainly be exceptions.
  
  Emotions SHOULD have a place in the decision!  That's why most people get married.  Because they love the person they are marrying and want to spend the rest of their lives with them.  Not because it's a business transaction where the other person is the best suitable match.

  

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• climbingsingle member

  

  May 2023

  This is not something that someone else can decide for you. 

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• VarunaTT member

  

  May 2023

  While you can replace the legality of marriage with other paperwork, marriage does make a lot of things easier.  And, truth be told, it makes a lot of things easier if the relationship does end and you choose to divorce.  B/c it's a contract that has to be broken, in certain ways.  It offers protections for a lot of situations that are hard to replicate with legal papers.  So, generally, I think marriage does "serve" people more often than not.  You also don't have to get married if you don't want to, and you don't have to have a reason not to want to.  LW is presumably an adult, and "no" is a complete answer
  
  I'd like more info and I'd like to know what the partner thinks.

  �

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• MyNameIsNot member

  

  May 2023

  You have to unpack the reasons you didn't want to get married in the first place. Is it a practical financial thing, distaste for patriarchy/traditions, or just going along with a partner who didn't want to get married? Whatever it is, you're allowed to change your mind, but understanding why you weren't on board in the first place is your starting point. 

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• levioosa member

  

  May 2023

  This was me and H. We were in it for the long haul but I didn’t feel super pressed to get married. Then he had his appendicitis and it was a stark reminder that even though we can fill out POA and Advanced Directives, marriage just makes things so much easier in that aspect. Now, did it screw us with taxes and also with unemployment benefits when I lost my job unexpectedly last year? Absolutely. But overall I’m happy we made the decision. Annoyingly, people take us “more seriously” now. I don’t know what wasn’t serious about 9 years and living together, but it is what it is. But come on, LW, Prudie can’t answer this for you. 

  
  

  
  

  

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