Wedding Woes

You'd not be out of line sending the text.

Dear Prudence,

After a split from my mother (she initiated) about a year ago, my dad has very recently started seeing someone new—a man! He told me over FaceTime, and specified over his call that he chose to tell me before my siblings and mother. He says that he’s happier than he’s been in 15 years, and I’m thrilled for him. But in the time after that conversation, I’ve been washed with a really deep grief I wasn’t expecting. When I came out as a teenager, about 10 years ago, my parents didn’t throw me out or disown me, but definitely weren’t pleased. I was grounded, and some mean things were said by both my parents—of particular note, my dad told me he would have to spend some time “mourning my future,” and then told me the story of a friend of his who had been murdered in a gay bashing as a young man.

Well, my future turned out just fine. I have an incredible partner of nearly seven years, I’m in a prestigious PhD program, and I’ve worked through these comments in therapy a couple times. But this conversation threw me, and the wounds feel raw again. Even if he didn’t realize his own queerness at the time, it stings that he would say such horrible things and then turn around and start a queer relationship himself. I have a text drafted reaffirming my love and support for him, but letting him know that I never forgot that reaction, and that I’m hurting because of it. I can’t decide whether to send it, or if that would be unnecessarily hurtful to him. Am I overreacting here, and should I just process this in private with my therapist? I have never said anything to either of my parents about their reaction to my coming out.

—Thought I’d Gotten Over This

Re: You'd not be out of line sending the text.

  • Do you have a 'this is how I feel by text' relationship with your dad?  Because this seems to be something better said face to face even if it's in a neutral area like a park.  So much tone can be lost over text so with a parent I'd find it better to say it actually out loud.

    That said - I think starting the conversation is the right idea. 
  • I think having the conversation is a good idea. 
  • Absolutely send it. 
  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited May 2023
    There is literally no reason to send this.

    IDK why queer folx like to be harder on each other than anyone else, but internalized homophobia is a real thing and it's terrible for everyone involved and touched by it.  Process this in private with your therapist, but you're doing your relationship with your father no favors with this.  He told you first because he thought he'd be safe with you.  Maybe he eventually apologizes, maybe not, but you weren't thrown out onto the streets or anything else apalling and you've done well for yourself.  Practice some forgiveness and grace for a newly out person, who apparently is late in life and now going to have to out himself to his entire family.  I suspect mom knows and hell, all of that?  Could have a lot to do with how he treated you, LW.  It doesn't make it right and you don't even have to forgive him for it if you don't want to, but the text is just ugly and cowardly. Do better.
  • It definitely shouldn't be a text and I don't think it should be right away.  But that's a heavy feeling to have.  With the help/approval of their therapist, I could see a conversation with the dad being helpful.  Not as an argument or to make the dad feel bad, but to better understand why the dad said that.

    The LW should also deeply consider what his dad was facing with his own sexuality, over his lifetime...

    As a young man, his father had a friend who was beaten to death because he was gay.  That would alter and haunt my life also, even if it didn't have a hate crime aspect.  But add-on the hate crime and that the father might have been identifying himself as gay or bi-sexual, I can understand why someone might stuff those feelings as far down as they could and ignore them.  As well as be worried for his own son, even if his words and actions should have been chosen more carefully because they were hurtful.  I hope the LW will consider what happened and give his dad some grace and understanding.
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  • I think LW really needs to think about the desired outcome here. Is the point to make dad feel bad about his behavior to LW coming out? Ok, great, but why is that important now but it wasn't important a year ago? Is there anything that dad can say or do that is going to make LW "feel better" about the past? I'm not sure whether it would prompt an apology from dad, but even if it did, would it heal old wounds or just feel perfunctory? 
  • VarunaTT said:
    There is literally no reason to send this.

    IDK why queer folx like to be harder on each other than anyone else, but internalized homophobia is a real thing and it's terrible for everyone involved and touched by it.  Process this in private with your therapist, but you're doing your relationship with your father no favors with this.  He told you first because he thought he'd be safe with you.  Maybe he eventually apologizes, maybe not, but you weren't thrown out onto the streets or anything else apalling and you've done well for yourself.  Practice some forgiveness and grace for a newly out person, who apparently is late in life and now going to have to out himself to his entire family.  I suspect mom knows and hell, all of that?  Could have a lot to do with how he treated you, LW.  It doesn't make it right and you don't even have to forgive him for it if you don't want to, but the text is just ugly and cowardly. Do better.
    All of this. I think if LW took themselves outside of this situation they’d see it more clearly, however the hurt and old feelings are blinding them to all of this. Of course internalized homophobia and internal turmoil affected his reaction to your coming out. Definitely discuss this in therapy. I don’t think this is a “never discuss ever” type of situation, but not like this and not when you’re so deep in the emotions you can’t look at it a little more objectively. 


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