IDK if it's my age group or consequences of healthcare in the pandemic, but it feels like everyone is going through hell and back again with parents health. One of my very good friends has made the decision (with his family) that his father has to go into a nursing home. His father was diagnosed with progressive supranuclear palsy and honestly, it sounds like Parkinsons and Alzheimers got together and were like, Let's combine our horrible symptoms together and make a new disease. I sent him a text this morning just telling him I loved him and he was a good person and doing a good job. It always feels weird when I do things like that, but dammit, our time on this planet is limited and I'm telling my friends I love them, gender and social norms be damned. I have another friend (my work bestie) who was just dx'd with rheumatoid arthritis. She has to start taking medication that is frankly, scary, but it's the only option on the table to halt the progression. I told her just to let me know when she starts and I'll come check on her in her office as much or as little as she wants me to. Life is just feeling heavy righ tnow.
I also don't know what my subconscious is trying to deal with or tell me, but I am so tired of having dreams about exH. I think I know what it is, but I still don't like it. I also think I'm going to go back up to 10mg of Lexapro. The 5mg just...I'm not staying even, there's too many ups and downs and it's getting exhausting. Which is making old coping patterns resurface, so then I'm trying to fend those off too. I found out my therapist retired and so I'll have to find a new one, but I think it might be time for just a mental health check in/brush up.
SSDD mostly. I just realized that I"m 6 months in and I still have 2 weeks of vacation to take. IDK what/when I want to do, but I do want to do something. Money is still a little tight, but I'm kinda thinking about renting a friend's cabin and just hauling a lot of books and weed to it and disengaging from the world for a bit.
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