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Wedding Woes

Being a 3rd wheel is hard

Dear Prudence,

Low-stakes question, here. I’m a teenager (14F), and I know that friendships tend to change while we’re in high school. I get it, but I’m not sure if anyone really told me what to do if it happened to me. I have two “main” friends at the moment. We became a “group” near the middle of last year, and it was nice. They were good friends, and I could tell them anything. Then, sometime late last year, it went…wrong. It felt like, instead of being just three friends, I became the third wheel. They have banter, play favorites, talk about me behind my back, and side against me all the time. Now, I’m scared of saying things, because I think that they’ll think I’m stupid, and I’ve started to grind my teeth in my sleep. How do I detach myself from them (without negative fallout) stop worrying about what they think of me, and start living my best life?

—Not the Spare Tire

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Re: Being a 3rd wheel is hard

  • Go find some other friends. Anyone who is talking about you behind your back is not your friend. 
  • No need to blow up the friendships and potentially have fallout.  But start talking to and hanging out with other people and groups.  The LW can also hang out with them or still be friendly sometimes if she wants to.  They might value the friendship more if she starts to pull back.
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  • This is the really tough part about navigating high school. It feels like a big thing but really it can just be spending more time finding new friends or trying out new things. It doesn’t have to be a big dramatic ending. 
  • Late middle to HS is SO HARD.  

    I'd encourage the LW to find their "thing".  Is it sports, music or academics?  Is it all of them?  Start to be with those people where there are common interests.  
  • Man, I went through that around that age too. Get involved in some extracurriculars and find some new friends. 
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