Dear Prudence,
My partner recently proposed and I happily accepted. We have been together for years and I love him very much. He is absolutely my “person.” The problem is that I have absolutely no desire for a wedding. I never dreamed of this day as a little girl. I never planned my dress. I never wanted to feel like a princess for a day. Frankly, I’ve never had much fun at any weddings and it seems like a huge waste of money just to appease other people. The question was popped somewhat surprisingly, and now I’m suddenly fielding calls from HIS family asking me when and where, and all kinds of other things. WE have not decided when or where, and my first impulse is to tell everyone I haven’t even decided if they’re invited. (I haven’t followed the impulse).
Several family members have even told me that I’m the bride and I get to make all of the decisions because it’s my big day. If I really get to decide what I want, we’ll have a private ceremony and romantic getaway without informing anyone until we get back. This is the kind of thing that can really create rifts in families and I don’t know how to gently navigate telling people to mind their business when they’re really just excited and happy for us. My partner certainly understands me, but also feels some pressure to have a ceremony for his family.
—Party Pooper