Dear Prudence,
My ex-wife and I were married for 14 years, and together for 20. We divorced amicably in 2019 but always held the intention that we’d stay friends. And we have! We work in the same office, have coffee once or twice a week, house-sit each other’s pets from time to time, etc. We’re both dating again, and both of our new partners have expressed some discomfort over our continued friendship—fear that they might not come first, that they can’t compete with 20 years of history, and project things like “you haven’t moved on” on to us.
I can say with 100 percent certainty that there is no danger of us getting back together. More importantly, we really are just friends who share a long history and understanding, while also not depending on each other for primary emotional support, etc. I don’t view it any differently than I would any other old friend, but I’m wondering if there’s something I’m missing… Is there some healthy boundary that we should put in place to respect our new partners while also respecting that we really are capable of just being good friends?
—Healthy Boundaries