Dear Prudence,
I have a question about sober etiquette. I’m newly sober, not because of alcoholism but because I’m just making lifestyle changes that prioritize my health, including cutting out the alcohol. It’s good for my physical health and my mental health to be sober, and it isn’t difficult for me to be around alcohol and have water instead. But my friends are craft beer hipsters and love spending our time together at breweries. I don’t go to restaurants if I’m not planning to eat; it seems rude to the establishment and staff that I’m taking up space without spending money. Do I carry that policy over to the breweries? I’m not embarrassed to order water, but due to the alcohol laws in my state, most breweries can’t serve food, so there isn’t an alternative way for me to spend money there, and I don’t see nonalcoholic beverages on the menu.
The first time we went to a brewery since I decided to be sober, I just had water and felt like the staff were unhappy with my presence. I was asked for my order no less than seven times. I thought that the presence of six other people ordering multiple drinks might balance out my non-drinking, but after that, I’m not so sure. My friends and I do non-brewery outings, and I love those (prefer those!) but large group get-togethers are almost all at breweries. I can pitch other ideas and try to encourage us to move away from those, but for now, I’m just wondering if I should sit it out and make my excuses to be elsewhere when they pick a brewery or attend. If I attend, how do I do so without being a nuisance to staff and the establishment?
—Social but Sober