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Wedding Woes

He sounds like an exhausting man.

Dear Prudence,

My husband and I have always been pretty eco-friendly. We recycle, compost, bike instead of drive when we can, and a long list of other things. We had a small drought last year and tried to water our lawn much less than normal. Our neighbors, however, didn’t and that made me pretty mad. It infuriated my husband. Over the course of the past year, he has been working to redo our yard to incorporate many more flowers, plants, and native grasses that require little watering. Our yard has turned out great. We’re forecasted to have another mild drought year and about a month ago, some neighbors asked my husband if he could help them figure out how to redo their yards like we did ours. My neighbor is a professor so once summer started, he went all in on these projects. They turned out great too. Other neighbors have made some passing comments to us about how great our yards look.

My husband has taken this to mean that he should offer up his new found “services” to the neighbors. He literally wants to knock on their doors and say he can help people redo their lawns. I think this is really weird. We do live in a pretty close-knit neighborhood and we know most of our neighbors at least a little bit, but I think something like putting up flyers or having the neighbors we helped tell other people my husband is available is a much better tactic. My husband thinks this is too passive. I think he would try to change every lawn in our city if he could. I think his approach is going to make things awkward between us and some of our neighbors. My husband has a strong salesman personality and tends to try to “sell” things to people all the time. What should I do?

—Backyard Blunder

Re: He sounds like an exhausting man.

  • Nope. Nope. Nope. 

    Your community will no longer be close knit if he goes around telling people they need to spend time and money redoing their lawn because he says so. Let it happen like it did with your neighbor. Maybe put up a flier. Maybe. One. That’s says “hey if you’re interested I’d love to help you”. Then leave it at that. 
  • NOPE. That's so weird and cringe. He can always put up a sign on your yard that his services are available and to contact him. 
  • I'm glad I don't have these judgy people as neighbors.
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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited June 2023
    I just can't with this type of crusader.  And LW isn't much better.  Y'all are some sanctimonious assholes.  Ride your bike, recycle, and have a sustainable yard, but STFU about it unless someone asks.  Y'all sound just as bad as a couple of missionaries, you're just stumping for 'mother nature' instead of 'sky daddy'. 

    Prudie's advice was to 'let him' because people don't answer their doors. I mean, sure, yeah...but it's still BS to the people who do come to the door because they know LW's H or because they still live in the 1980's and open their door to strangers. 
  • Did anyone else watch the San Diego season of MAFS? It’s giving Mitch vibes. 


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  • I think I know these people lol
  • LW, you are the company you keep.  Be aware that if your H goes through with this you're just going to be the lady married to the arrogant professor. 
  • No no no, and also, no. If neighbors like your redone yard and want your husband's advice on doing something similar, they are welcome to ask him about it and your husband is welcome to help them. But this is something he should let people come to him about, not something he pushes on them.
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    1. Set Boundaries. One of the first things you need to do when it comes to dealing with emotionally draining friends is to set healthy boundaries.
    2. Be Honest & Direct. 
    3. Avoid Fixing Their Problems.
    4. Offer Them An Alternative. 
    5. Keep Your Distance   
  • You can’t actually control him, so I would tell him
    very clearly why you think this is a bad idea and then move on. 

    1. Set Boundaries. One of the first things you need to do when it comes to dealing with emotionally draining friends is to set healthy boundaries.
    2. Be Honest & Direct. 
    3. Avoid Fixing Their Problems.
    4. Offer Them An Alternative. 
    5. Keep Your Distance   
    Huh? 

    1. Set Boundaries. One of the first things you need to do when it comes to dealing with emotionally draining friends is to set healthy boundaries.
    2. Be Honest & Direct. 
    3. Avoid Fixing Their Problems.
    4. Offer Them An Alternative. 
    5. Keep Your Distance   
    Huh? 
    It feels like someone asked ChatGPT to read the letter and provide an 'action plan'.  LOL 
  • mrsconn23 said:

    1. Set Boundaries. One of the first things you need to do when it comes to dealing with emotionally draining friends is to set healthy boundaries.
    2. Be Honest & Direct. 
    3. Avoid Fixing Their Problems.
    4. Offer Them An Alternative. 
    5. Keep Your Distance   
    Huh? 
    It feels like someone asked ChatGPT to read the letter and provide an 'action plan'.  LOL 
    Haha. Exactly the thought that crossed my mind! 
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