Suggest he see a doctor

Casadena · August 2023

Dear Prudence,

My husband and I have been married for almost a decade and have two toddlers. My husband is generally very healthy, but when he does get the occasional sickness, he exclusively treats himself with Tylenol. Sometimes this makes sense (headache? take some Tylenol); however, sometimes it does not make sense—he’ll take Tylenol to treat a cough, stomach bug, seasonal allergies, diarrhea, etc. This used to strike me as odd but not problematic, and when we were younger I’d just go about my business and offer chicken soup. Now that we have young children, he ends up feeling terrible and not helping with our toddlers. He coughs all night, keeps me awake, sleeps in since he’s exhausted, and I pick up the slack with our kids. It’s starting to bother me. I can definitely be sympathetic to illness, but when he won’t just take a spoonful of cough syrup, I feel less so. How can I broach this in a way that doesn’t come across as callus?

climbingsingle · August 2023

I'm sure most of us have experience with the dreaded man cold. Even if he were taking something over the counter, it doesn't mean he'll magically feel better and it certainly won't make him recover faster.
That said, I do think it's weird to only take Tylenol for all kinds of ailments. I also thought Tylenol was not good to take so often? I remembering hearing something about that.

Next time he's sick, encourage him to go do the doctor. But if it's something like a common cold, not much can be done anyway.

Casadena · August 2023

I would suggest he talk to the doctor at his next physical/annual about generally "what do when XYZ happens, would tylenol help?" Maybe just hearing from someone other than his wife that other meds are ok to use and will actually help better alleviate symptoms would be helpful?

If that's a no go, I'd make the conversation more about the actions - so "I've noticed that when you have a cold/etc the bulk of duties fall on me and I can't handle everything when you sleep in and keep me awake all night, I need help. Could you explore treating symptoms differently? Sleeping in another room? napping later when the kids nap?"

banana468 · August 2023

I think they need to talk to each other - but this is such a communication issue if they can't talk about medicine with each other.

STARMOON44 · August 2023

Babe, Tylenol doesn’t treat a cough. You need to take something that does because we have children that you’re responsible for
parenting.

charlotte989875 · August 2023

STARMOON44 said:

Babe, Tylenol doesn’t treat a cough. You need to take something that does because we have children that you’re responsible for
parenting.

This. He’s being purposely obtuse and when it was too people it was probably annoying but didn’t impact LW. But now with two toddlers this isn’t sufficient. He needs to be an adult and care for himself appropriately.

short+sassy · August 2023

The LW talks all about the problem. But I assume she has brought this up to him. What does he say?

What is his problem with other OTC medicine? Is it a phobia or just stubbornness? Maybe he needs to see a therapist. And take honey for a cough in the meantime.

levioosa · August 2023

This is H but he has gotten better over the years. I won’t lie though. His allergies drive me bonkers. Take a goddamn Claritin once in awhile. I cannot handle your incessant sneezing and whining when there’s a perfectly accessible relief option that you refuse to take.

short+sassy · August 2023

climbingsingle said:

I'm sure most of us have experience with the dreaded man cold. Even if he were taking something over the counter, it doesn't mean he'll magically feel better and it certainly won't make him recover faster.
That said, I do think it's weird to only take Tylenol for all kinds of ailments. I also thought Tylenol was not good to take so often? I remembering hearing something about that.

Next time he's sick, encourage him to go do the doctor. But if it's something like a common cold, not much can be done anyway.

Tylenol makes a ton of different OTC medications, even for products in the same "group". It still sounds like it's occasional use, which is fine for most adults. I think it's acetaminophen specifically that has recently had some press about kidney/liver damage possibilities if people don't take it as directed.

For some people, it's recommended they take a low dose daily aspirin (Tylenol makes this also) to help prevent heart attack and stroke. Especially if they have already had a heart attack or stroke. But the downside is a daily aspirin can also have serious side effects, like gastrointestinal bleeding.

Casadena · August 2023

levioosa said:

This is H but he has gotten better over the years. I won’t lie though. His allergies drive me bonkers. Take a goddamn Claritin once in awhile. I cannot handle your incessant sneezing and whining when there’s a perfectly accessible relief option that you refuse to take.

H is so like this as well. He's all about "natural" options but he doesn't effectively utilize those either. Just bitches about being miserable a lot of the time when he has a cold or something.

VarunaTT · August 2023

This has to be some weird patriarchal/misogyny thing, like men "not wanting pets, then falls in love". Just take the damn medicine already and STFU.

Please note: I am probably never dating again and I'm not calling these men misogynists, just saying it's some sort of weird patriarchy structure of manhood that men won't take medicines.

STARMOON44 · August 2023

short+sassy said:

climbingsingle said:

I'm sure most of us have experience with the dreaded man cold. Even if he were taking something over the counter, it doesn't mean he'll magically feel better and it certainly won't make him recover faster.
That said, I do think it's weird to only take Tylenol for all kinds of ailments. I also thought Tylenol was not good to take so often? I remembering hearing something about that.

Next time he's sick, encourage him to go do the doctor. But if it's something like a common cold, not much can be done anyway.

Tylenol makes a ton of different OTC medications, even for products in the same "group". It still sounds like it's occasional use, which is fine for most adults. I think it's acetaminophen specifically that has recently had some press about kidney/liver damage possibilities if people don't take it as directed.

For some people, it's recommended they take a low dose daily aspirin (Tylenol makes this also) to help prevent heart attack and stroke. Especially if they have already had a heart attack or stroke. But the downside is a daily aspirin can also have serious side effects, like gastrointestinal bleeding.

No, Tylenol is acetaminophen. It doesn’t make aspirin and it really makes hardly anything at all without acetaminophen!

banana468 · August 2023

And Tylenol is processed in the liver if I'm not mistaken which is also where there are issues of taking it with alcohol.

It's also unfortunately the go-to pain reliever for DD now because NSAIDS are in the "please don't use" if you have IBD category. I'm told in cases of severe pain/fever there may be exemptions but when kiddo starts with menstrual cramps Tylenol should be the go-to.

STARMOON44 · August 2023

banana468 said:

And Tylenol is processed in the liver if I'm not mistaken which is also where there are issues of taking it with alcohol.

It's also unfortunately the go-to pain reliever for DD now because NSAIDS are in the "please don't use" if you have IBD category. I'm told in cases of severe pain/fever there may be exemptions but when kiddo starts with menstrual cramps Tylenol should be the go-to.

And a heating pad! Proven as effective as Advil just less convenient

ILoveBeachMusic · August 2023

The warning about Tylenol is with constant over use and taking more than recommended. It isn't an issue with occasional use.

levioosa · August 2023

STARMOON44 said:

banana468 said:

And Tylenol is processed in the liver if I'm not mistaken which is also where there are issues of taking it with alcohol.

It's also unfortunately the go-to pain reliever for DD now because NSAIDS are in the "please don't use" if you have IBD category. I'm told in cases of severe pain/fever there may be exemptions but when kiddo starts with menstrual cramps Tylenol should be the go-to.

And a heating pad! Proven as effective as Advil just less convenient

I had severe dysmenorrhea in my youth and I used to sandwich myself in between the thermacare menstrual cramp and lower back patches.

short+sassy · August 2023

STARMOON44 said:

short+sassy said:

climbingsingle said:

I'm sure most of us have experience with the dreaded man cold. Even if he were taking something over the counter, it doesn't mean he'll magically feel better and it certainly won't make him recover faster.
That said, I do think it's weird to only take Tylenol for all kinds of ailments. I also thought Tylenol was not good to take so often? I remembering hearing something about that.

Next time he's sick, encourage him to go do the doctor. But if it's something like a common cold, not much can be done anyway.

Tylenol makes a ton of different OTC medications, even for products in the same "group". It still sounds like it's occasional use, which is fine for most adults. I think it's acetaminophen specifically that has recently had some press about kidney/liver damage possibilities if people don't take it as directed.

For some people, it's recommended they take a low dose daily aspirin (Tylenol makes this also) to help prevent heart attack and stroke. Especially if they have already had a heart attack or stroke. But the downside is a daily aspirin can also have serious side effects, like gastrointestinal bleeding.

No, Tylenol is acetaminophen. It doesn’t make aspirin and it really makes hardly anything at all without acetaminophen!

Thanks for the correction. It seems like they have a 100 different products, so I assumed it's a bunch of different OTC medications.

Surprising they haven't branched out more in the OTC medicine department, especially when they are an industry leader for pain relief.

I totally went down a rabbit hole. They do make cough medicine too, but even that has acetaminophen in it. Apparently most, but not all, cough medicines do. Good to know! As I'm sure I've taken both a cough medicine and a pain reliever with acetaminophen when I've been sick. Though my H and I switched to naproxen sodium for pain relief years ago, which doesn't have acetaminophen.

I also could have sworn I've previously had low dose aspirin from Tylenol. But when I looked it up, it might have been Bayer. I vaguely remember the bottle being green and yellow.

But this whole letter and interchange has been a reminder that I need to go back to taking a low dose aspirin. My doctors have always recommended it for me. I took it for periods of time here and there, but I always felt they were being too alarmist when I was younger. Diabetes, no matter what your weight, puts you at a higher risk for heart disease. But still, not when I was in my 20s or 30s. But I'm older now and have other risk factors, so I need to get back to it.

banana468 · August 2023

STARMOON44 said:

banana468 said:

And Tylenol is processed in the liver if I'm not mistaken which is also where there are issues of taking it with alcohol.

It's also unfortunately the go-to pain reliever for DD now because NSAIDS are in the "please don't use" if you have IBD category. I'm told in cases of severe pain/fever there may be exemptions but when kiddo starts with menstrual cramps Tylenol should be the go-to.

And a heating pad! Proven as effective as Advil just less convenient

That's a good reminder of what to look into for her. When we were in the hospital friends gifted her MANY (MAAANY!) Squishmallows and she took to holding one at her abdomen when going to the bathroom. She can't take one to school so i'll look into other options that may help.

Suggest he see a doctor

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