Dear Prudence,
I (W/40) am struggling to connect with a long-time friend (W/45) anymore. We met at college years ago and following the recent break-up with her long-time partner, she’s become two people. On weeks she has the kids (13 and 12; also my god-children), she’s a devoted mother and a kind (if exuberant) person. But on weeks she doesn’t, she’s partying, sleeping with 18-year-olds, drinking, flirting inappropriately, flashing body parts, etc. When we recently hung out, she drunk-dialed one of boyfriends and made me speak with him. Very awkward. I have no interest in that second part of her life, but she says I’m being unsupportive. I love the kids, I spend time with them. When I recently went to visit them and their father (also a good friend!), my friend broke down. I understand that was hurtful to her (though not intentionally, I assure you) and apologized. But this relationship is draining for me. I don’t want to lose my friend (the kind one!) but her alter-ego is exhausting. I try to speak to her, but when I feel I get through, she reverts back next time we speak. This is complicated by the fact that I live two states away, so a lot of our interactions are by phone. How do I move forward?
—40 and Not Partying with College Kids