Dear Prudence,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for over three years. We have a great relationship overall; we communicate well, and he’s very understanding and non-judgmental. One thing is really getting to me. He is close to my brother, whom I don’t like. I used to be close with my brother, but about a year and a half ago I had a falling out with our oldest sibling and the brother in question made some severe and hurtful judgments in which he accused me of intentionally trying to hurt people (I just “didn’t realize” that was my intention because it’s subconscious, but he knows somehow) and making many other accusations about me as a person and what goes on in my head and also dictating how I should feel about things. My friends and boyfriend assured me he was wrong (and they’ve shown that they’re not afraid to disagree with me, so it didn’t make sense anyway).
Shortly before this falling out, my brother joined my boyfriend’s band. Now, a year and a half later, nothing is different between my brother and me. I tolerate seeing him at the band’s shows but always dread it, and, worse, my boyfriend says they have a close relationship since they’re in a band together. I had thought their relationship was just decently friendly, but not close. I wish my brother out of my life, but I’ve been tolerant about him being in the band. But the fact that my boyfriend could develop a close relationship with someone who put me down so much (all of which he knows about) feels awful like he doesn’t think it’s a big deal. I wish he were more protective of my feelings. Is this a deal breaker or am I overreacting?
—Not Feeling This Music