Dear Prudence,
I’m sure you get plenty of letters about rotten mothers-in-law, and while my MIL is far from rotten, I’ve found her difficult to tolerate in recent years. She’s generous with her time, money, and attention, which I appreciate. If we need a favor, she won’t hesitate to help us. But she drives me bonkers! Without getting into all the things she’s done over the years that were not her business (such as calling my/husband’s health provider to get COVID test results because my husband was busy and she wanted to know); all her prying into people’s business (including questioning my mother on more than one occasion about my father’s death, which made her very uncomfortable); and outright telling people what to do unsolicited (me as a time mom years ago, etc.), I find her very overbearing and annoying, and frankly don’t like her much.
MIL caused much conflict between me and husband when our son was born (admittedly, so did my lingering PPD), so four years ago, our family (me, husband, child) moved an hour away from in-laws, which helped immensely. Now, in-laws are downsizing in a few months and decided to move 10 minutes away from us, where they know nobody else. MIL has needed my husband’s help much more in the search for their new home, and I can feel myself slipping back into my old feelings that caused us to move (back then, it was either divorce or we move). I told my husband how I’m feeling and we discussed it, and our marriage is strong, and he will be firm with her and handle situations as they arise, as he’s always done, but what can I do differently this time around? I love my family, and I’m also sympathetic that my husband is an only child and our son is their only grandchild. I would never keep my husband or son hostage, but how can I deal with someone who I would not otherwise want to be around and keep my sanity?
—No-Contact Not an Option