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How did you 'deal' with it before? (I'm assuming not well)

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

My husband and I are retired and listed our beautiful lake house for sale due to financial concerns and the fact that it requires so much care and maintenance. My oldest daughter, who is in her 40s is very upset and angry. She is sending nasty texts, won’t listen to our reasoning, blocked us on social media, and has done other similar behavior. She reacted the same way when we sold our other home. I am at a loss how to deal with it. Our friends, sons, and other neighbors are supportive. I have tried to be empathetic, but now it is getting very distressing. Any advice would be appreciated!

—Goodbye Lake

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Re: How did you 'deal' with it before? (I'm assuming not well)

  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    “We are sorry this is upsetting for you. A house is an important place of memories but it is also a major investment of time and money. We need to make sensible decisions that work for us, and we hope you can respect that.”

    ”we aren’t open to further discussion on this. Happy to talk later about something else.”
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    STARMOON44 said:
    “We are sorry this is upsetting for you. A house is an important place of memories but it is also a major investment of time and money. We need to make sensible decisions that work for us, and we hope you can respect that.”

    ”we aren’t open to further discussion on this. Happy to talk later about something else.”
    All of this.  Let her know that she's welcome to purchase it if the sentimental value is too much for her to part with physically but confirm that it's no longer a financial asset that you intend to have. 
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  • CasadenaCasadena member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    agree with above. She's acting like a child - and while i could understand her disappointment (I'd be devastated if my parents listed their home without a discussion) it's also not her property (or mine) and they can do with it what they like. She (or I) could buy it outright if that's a possibility, otherwise, enjoy the memories and move on with your life. 
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    It's hard for me to understand this because I'm on the other side. My parents have been in their lake house for 15 years now after selling the house I grew up  in. The house they're in now is way too big for them, and I worry about how they will be able to maintain it as they get further into their 70s. I'm hoping they will downsize (and move closer to me and my brother) in the next few years. 
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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    My FIL and his sibling did this crap to his parents.  His father was very accomplished in his career and made significant money.  They invested in 2 apartments in La Jolla before it was the fancy place it is now.  They're beautiful, ocean side, floor to ceiling windows overlooking the ocean, apartments.  His parents lived in one and the other one was basically used for guests of all sorts, not just family.

    The parents get old enough that they want to sell their apartments and move into an assisted living situation that grows with them as their needs grow (so if they develop dementia, they just move to another area of assisted living).  The family throws a godawful fit about them losing "their apartment".  I was like STFU, it's your parent's apartment and they can do what they want...you could buy it?  Oh no, we don't have that kind of money.  Well, oh well.

    Sometimes I wonder how I ever ended up with my exH, honestly.  That family, and their hold on him, was terrible.
    �
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