Dear Prudence,
How do you navigate discussing difficult things with your friends when you’re all going through something difficult? I have a disability that moderately affects my day to day life. I can’t get a permanent job and can only do temp work or freelance when I feel up to it. That being said, I don’t have a family and have guaranteed free housing for at least the next year. I have a lot of friends with disabilities, some worse, some better than mine. Most of them, however, have families and financial obligations that I don’t have. I’m just not sure when it’s appropriate to vent. Like, I have a friend right now whose family is just getting over mono. That’s a very real thing that was hard on her, especially since her husband is not good around the house. I, on the other hand, just found a lump on my breast. While it’s scary, it could absolutely be nothing. It’s not like once you find a lump you immediately get as sick as someone who had mono.
I have a friend in a similar situation to me who has had cancer. We’re not as close as we used to be, we probably text once every week or two, but she has less obligations than most of my friends. The thing is, I feel bad texting her because she actually did have cancer. I possibly don’t have cancer and as someone with a disability, I really hate it when someone casually mentions they think they have X debilitating disability just because they had one minor symptom that could have meant a dozen other things.
On top of all of this, I feel like I’m not very close with any of my friends anymore. I don’t live in the same city as many of them. I don’t want to feel like a burden for something that may or may not become an issue. Do you have any advice on when it’s fine to dump your burdens on your friends?
—Bothersome Burden