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Wedding Woes

It's time to be proactive instead of reactive.

Dear Prudence,

I’m a 32-year-old near-daily pot smoker. I think it improves my life. I’m gainfully employed, have great friendships and relationships, am active in my community, and enjoy my hobbies and artistic pursuits—mostly while stoned. I don’t drink or do any other drugs; cannabis seems different to me. My problem is that I think that my partner of seven years wants me to cut back, like a lot. I know this amount of cannabis consumption won’t last forever, that I’ll need to quit when I start trying to get pregnant soonish, etc. But right now, I like it! My partner won’t actually tell me he doesn’t like it, he’ll admit that it helps with my anxiety, and if I ask him directly, “Do you want me to stop?” he waffles and avoids giving a straight answer. But he will do addiction checklists to me and make comments I consider passive-aggressive. I know he cares about my health and well-being, but he’s making me feel crazy about something that I don’t actually feel conflicted about. I’m second-guessing myself and also sneaking around, which doesn’t feel great. What should I do?

—Functional Adult Stoner

Re: It's time to be proactive instead of reactive.

  • Be specific - ask him about it and what about it bothers him.  

    Keep in mind that if you're doing it daily he may be concerned that you're addicted  in the same way that someone who drinks every day can be addicted. 
  • Honestly what you should do is be less high all the time. 
  • Find a time when you're sober to talk to him.  Tell him you've noticed he gets agitated when you're puffing a vape or downing a THC chocolate.  Listen to him, but also advise him that you are thinking about the future and know this isn't a permanent thing.  

    This is solvable, but it will take both of you being honest with each other and trying to see the other person's perspective.  
  • I can see both sides of this. Though personally I'm on the H's side. My ex smoke a ridiculous amount of weed every day and it drove me crazy. But any time he actually "quit", he was even more miserable to be around lol. 
  • Honestly what you should do is be less high all the time. 
    YUP
  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited September 2023
    I would ask what exactly he doesn't like about it. 

    Most of my weekends I'm technically "stoned" b/c I hit a vape of sativa and do all  of my household chores...it's basically a substitute for Adderall. I use a THC/melatonin gummy to help with my sleep patterns...technically I'm stoned.  There are times I get high for fun (and as long as someone is still ingesting alcohol, which is a more addictive substance and literal poison to the human body, they can bite my entire butt for judging that), but the times I'm using it to help my brain along, I'm not really "high" and silly like most people imagine if they haven't partaken in the legal ways you can now to help your brain/health.

    They need to have an honest conversation, sussing out biases, and making boundaries.
  • I see the bigger problem here is that they can't have a conversation about it. 
  • It would help if she narrows down what his concerns are.  Which might just be he doesn't want her addicted to something.  I can understand that.  I realize pot isn't physically addictive.  But anything can be emotionally addictive and she isn't moderate in her use.

    She also needs to be thinking about what she is going to do about her anxiety when she becomes pregnant and stops using pot.  A good question to ask her doctor ahead of time and I hope there is a safe alternative for her.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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