Dear Prudence,
I am getting married in May and having my bachelorette party locally a week beforehand! My maid of honor asked me about a month ago to make my guest list and ask who could come so that she could book a place to stay! I verbally invited the girls in my graduate school friend group, and they all said they planned to come. We all live in the same small city. We are a year and a half post-grad and so our group is less solid than it once was and has broken down into smaller factions—while I still see some of the girls every week or so, others I just catch up with over dinner every couple months. All except for Heather.
Heather is invited to any group things we do but bails every time in favor of hanging with her other friend group, which has become more and more apparent in the time since I invited her to the bachelorette. While this is slightly hurtful, I can live with the fact that we are not her priority! She also never responds in the group chat (once again, I know group chats aren’t for everybody and that’s fine). However, the result of these two facts is that I basically haven’t communicated with her in months despite reaching out, and she doesn’t feel like the kind of close friend I want at my bachelorette weekend! It’s not that I think she’ll ruin the fun, it will just make me feel kind of lame and desperate having this girl come to my bachelorette out of some sense of obligation when I know she doesn’t even care to see me for dinner. I imagine there’s no way to uninvite her without causing drama or making it seem like I’m mad at her. But is there any way to say, in a non-passive aggressive way, “Hey, don’t feel like you have to come” and give her permission to flake as always?
—Planned Too Far Ahead