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Annoying, but you can also not take it personally.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

Generally speaking, my flatmate and I get on really well. However, there is one habit she has that drives me up the wall. If she asks me to do something or we are having a discussion about housework or similar, she will often say things that seem to assume I don’t know something really obvious. Think: “If you leave the pans to soak, they’re easier to clean,” if it turns out I’ve missed a spot when cleaning a pan. I know that! Of course, I know that! We are both in our 30s, for reference. Since I find it irritating and patronizing, I have found that if I respond in the moment I come across as a sulky teenager. She thinks she’s being helpful, I find it rude that she doesn’t assume I’ve got the same basic knowledge of household matters that she does. For context, I have met her parents a few times, and they are both a bit like this as well, so I’m guessing that’s where she gets it from and it’s an ingrained communication habit. Is it worth trying to get her to knock it off (and how would I approach that?) or should I just let it slide and cultivate a bit more inner acceptance? I don’t want to make a big deal out of it, but it’s really annoying when it happens.

—Captain Obvious

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Re: Annoying, but you can also not take it personally.

  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    If it’s annoying you that much, say something like “hey- I appreciate you think you’re being helpful, but I feel talked down to when you say x”.  

    Or move to your own place. 
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    charlotte989875 said:
    If it’s annoying you that much, say something like “hey- I appreciate you think you’re being helpful, but I feel talked down to when you say x”.  

    Or move to your own place. 
    This.  If it's an overall approach then I think it's worth addressing but not in the moment. 
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    A bit of both.  Speak calmly to the roommate at a time when it didn't just happen.  Give some examples of when she does this and ask for her to tone it down.  But also realize this is part of her personality and it's best to hope for improvement, but not perfection.

    And quite frankly, her roommate isn't necessarily off-base.  Maybe not in regards to the OP, but as a landlady I have been shocked many times at how clueless some people are when it comes to taking care of and doing basic things in a house.

    I previously had a set of tenants who were two sisters and an adult daughter of one of them.  The sisters were in the late 30s-mid 40s and the daughter was 20.

    They destroyed my kitchen counter tops and my acrylic sink because they didn't use cutting boards and put hot pans directly on the countertops.  There were knife cuts all over the countertops and a couple places where the laminate countertop material had been burned all the way down to the wood.  And the sink?!?!  Dozens of deep knife gouges all over it.  Why were the even cutting things on all the edges of the sink anyway?  Argh!  Not to mention seeing the damage they are causing every day and continuing to do the same stupid things.  They could have spent $5 at Walmart for a cutting board and extra pot holder or trivet.  Instead, their security deposit got dinged about $600 just for the kitchen damage.
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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Oh my lord, just get over it already.  Especially since you met her parents and they were the same.  She's not being bossy or belitting.  Simmer down and stop looking for a fight.  You're 30, you should know how to read adults and pick your battles. You wrote into Prudie, which presumably means you read Prudie.  If this is your one complaint about your roommate, count your blessings or do her a favor and move TF out.
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  • levioosalevioosa member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    This….is the worst thing you can say about your roommate? Calm down LW. 


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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
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    My mom taught me that most dishes don't need to soak and that "soaking" is just a euphemism for procrastinating the dishes. 

    But anyway, use your words.
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
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    MyNameIsNot said:
    My mom taught me that most dishes don't need to soak and that "soaking" is just a euphemism for procrastinating the dishes. 

    But anyway, use your words.
    I think it's a bit of both, lol.

    There are some things I cook where the residue comes off easier once it has been soaking.

    However, it probably only needs to soak for about an hour.  But I never touch it again until at least the next day! 
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