Dear Prudence,
I (she/her) and my boyfriend of three years are both in our late-30s. I truly adore this man, but of course, no relationship or person is perfect, and I wouldn’t be writing unless there was a problem to address. My handsome, thoughtful, intelligent boyfriend doesn’t wash his hair. He is clean and smells nice, but he only rinses his hair in the shower and doesn’t often touch it with shampoo (the rest of him gets a once over with an 18 in 1 {!!!} wash). This leaves his hair sometimes looking slick and heavy as though it’s still wet. We are both white and his hair is fine and silky and seems to need more periodic washing it isn’t getting.
I know he doesn’t wash his hair because he mentioned once that he thinks it’s detrimental. This was early in our relationship, and I didn’t see the need to comment when he didn’t look dirty. When he gets his hair cut, the stylist washes it thoroughly and when he comes home, he looks so incredibly good with his hair fluffy and shiny. I find myself really looking forward to his haircuts. How can I speak to him about maybe washing his hair a bit more? Also, why are men like this? He is not the first man I have dated who thought that soap on the skin or hair was going to damage it and noped out of regular scrub-downs in favor of water.
—Taking Grunge to a New Level