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Wedding Woes

Reach out, but no answer is an answer.

Dear Prudence,

I am looking for suggestions on how to write a letter to an old friend who no longer corresponds with me. We were friends for over 30 years (including our husbands). We moved to California about 12 years ago, and I could understand her not coming to visit me from the East Coast. However, about five years ago my husband and I moved to the East Coast to be closer to our children. Since moving back, we have only seen this couple one time. I know, maybe I should just give up, but the lack of communication really bothers me. Any suggestions?

—Can’t Take the Heat

Re: Reach out, but no answer is an answer.

  • Why? You aren’t friends anymore. Stop bugging her. 
  • Sometimes friendships peter out.  It's unfortunate, but it happens.  I'm wondering how much they were in contact during the 7 years the LW and her husband were on the West Coast.  If it wasn't much, then I can understand why the couple wasn't that interested in rekindling the friendship.

    And the East Coast is a big place.  Are they all in the same town?  Same state?  Multiple states away?  Because if they still live fairly far from this couple, that could also explain why the friendship hasn't grown closer again.

    It's now been 5 years since they moved back.  If the friendship was going to be rekindled it would have been.  Let it go.  Do not write a letter, much less a long one.  That would be really weird and awkward.  And no good would come of it.  The most likely response is the former friend would ignore it completely or reply back they don't want to continue the friendship.  Both of which will just make the LW feel bad.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Did you ever visit her from California? Did you try and keep communication going or did you expect her to do all the work?

    regardless- it’s been years and it sounds like neither of you have really made an effort. That’s fine, it happens but don’t ask her why she hasn’t stayed in touch. 

    If you actually want to be friends again- reach out and offer a get together. If she’s not interested leave it at that. 
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