Am I overreacting?

Re: Am I overreacting?

• banana468 member

  

  October 2023

  knottiea5ed25a0f2efb1fe said:

  My Fiancé and I got engaged in July of 2022 and have been planning to get Married in October of 2023 since that time. My brother and his girlfriend have been dating since December 2021 and have wanted to get married one day, but always planned to wait until end of 2024. In September 2023, my brother mentioned that they would like to get engaged soon and marry Spring of 2024. I said it was okay, as long as it wasn't too close to our wedding date. A month later, in October, he proposed to her. While it was cutting it  close, I still had two weeks until my wedding. The problem is that they waited another week to tell people. This means that the week before my wedding people are finding out that they're engaged. While I am super happy for them, I feel as though they could have waited another month? I mentioned proposing on their 2-year anniversary in December (Just two months away) and he replied with "She just wants to be married". Am I wrong for thinking it's odd that they suddenly wanted to get married quickly and engaged near my wedding? I feel selfish for even thinking this, but honestly how could I not. I've waited a year and a half for this moment. 

  He didn't propose at your wedding.  Yes he proposed close to it but if they're serious and want to get married soon then they made it official. 
  
  You're allowed to have your feelings but I absolutely think you are overreacting and need to let it go.  

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• flantastic member

  

  October 2023

  knottiea5ed25a0f2efb1fe said:

  My Fiancé and I got engaged in July of 2022 and have been planning to get Married in October of 2023 since that time. My brother and his girlfriend have been dating since December 2021 and have wanted to get married one day, but always planned to wait until end of 2024. In September 2023, my brother mentioned that they would like to get engaged soon and marry Spring of 2024. I said it was okay, as long as it wasn't too close to our wedding date. A month later, in October, he proposed to her. While it was cutting it  close, I still had two weeks until my wedding. The problem is that they waited another week to tell people. This means that the week before my wedding people are finding out that they're engaged. While I am super happy for them, I feel as though they could have waited another month? I mentioned proposing on their 2-year anniversary in December (Just two months away) and he replied with "She just wants to be married". Am I wrong for thinking it's odd that they suddenly wanted to get married quickly and engaged near my wedding? I feel selfish for even thinking this, but honestly how could I not. I've waited a year and a half for this moment. 

  Yes, you are overreacting. It's not odd. They want to start their lives together. If they're only wanting a 6 month engagement, then percentage-wise, waiting another month or two to start planning is a big deal.
  
  I'm pretty sure it has nothing to do with you and quite frankly it doesn't need to have anything to do with you. Other people do not have to put their own lives on hold in order to give you a certain amount of "spotlight time."
  
  Your friends and family will still be just as happy for you as they would otherwise have been.

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• banana468 member

  

  October 2023

  I'm going to add not just to you OP but in general I've seen several people talk about their feelings that another couple should have put a proposal on hold to be not too close to another wedding or life event and in general, my opinion is that unless you are intending to propose AT the major life event of another person do it when it's best for you and your partner.  

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• knottiea5ed25a0f2efb1fe member

  

  October 2023

  Thank you guys for responding, but I guess the timing is what's weird to me. He had the ring in the beginning of September, and was prepared to propose that soon, but for whatever reason didn't. I am super happy for them and wish them  nothing but the best! 

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• knottiea5ed25a0f2efb1fe member

  

  October 2023

  I believe that every bride should have the spotlight on and near their day. It's a day about them, and for them, and it (hopefully) only happens once. I think it's courteous to be aware of other people's weddings/ other big life events. Otherwise, I feel like it's a bit selfish. I would never put someone in this situation. 

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• banana468 member

  

  October 2023

  knottiea5ed25a0f2efb1fe said:

  I believe that every bride should have the spotlight on and near their day. It's a day about them, and for them, and it (hopefully) only happens once. I think it's courteous to be aware of other people's weddings/ other big life events. Otherwise, I feel like it's a bit selfish. I would never put someone in this situation. 

  I think there's an overwhelming unfortunate feeling that brides and grooms get more than a day.
  
  You get a day.  If there's a shower and a bachelorette party then those are also events in your honor where you're the center of attention.
  
  But you're beyond out of line to think that others should put life events on hold with an arbitrary timeline to any event where you're a center of attention.   You're going to need to expect that even on your wedding day not all attention and not all conversation will be about you.  
  
  People even show up at weddings as major events of the year so at those events they show up sharing the new positive things that are associated.  FWIW at family events DH and I showed up with our 5 week old, the first male with the family last name in 34 years and the family oohed and aahed over him as "The Heir" and it was fine.  The couple were still honored and the center of attention while we passed him around.   At my own wedding BIL attended and that was the first time my SIL met the family as his GF.  It was a big deal and everyone knew they were serious (they're married 13 years now).    
  
  You are allowed your feelings but you MUST control your behavior, be gracious, and understand that you're absolutely out of line to think that people should put life events on hold until you feel that your center of attention timing is over. 

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• knottiea5ed25a0f2efb1fe member

  

  October 2023

  Have you ever been married before?

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• banana468 member

  

  October 2023

  knottiea5ed25a0f2efb1fe said:

  Have you ever been married before?

  Are you asking me that question?  

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• MyNameIsNot member

  

  October 2023

  Yes, you're overreacting and acting completely ridiculous. 
  
  I can't believe the audacity of thinking you get to tell someone else when they can get engaged or married. 

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• MobKaz member

  

  October 2023

  " I feel selfish for even thinking this, but honestly how could I not. I've waited a year and a half for this moment". 
  
  Your gut is telling you it is wrong/selfish to think it, so go with your gut.  From the time my daughter became engaged and married, 3 of her friends also became engaged.  One even married prior to DD's wedding.  There was no fallout, no drama, and certainly NO expectations for anyone to coordinate timelines.
  

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• flantastic member

  

  October 2023

  knottiea5ed25a0f2efb1fe said:

  Have you ever been married before?

  All of us have been married. I'm going to celebrate my 9th anniversary in November. Banana has been married a little longer. MobKaz even longer than that. We have a little bit of perspective on what actually mattered about our wedding planning and what turned out not to matter.
  
  I brought my 9 day old son to my brother's wedding. He and his now-wife wanted us there. They made a big deal of the fact that my son was there, they mentioned him in toasts. My other brother had just gotten engaged and they made a big deal of the fact that our family was gaining more awesome people very rapidly. They had the security in themselves to know that the presence of these people and the events in their lives added joy to the day instead of the insecurity to feel that this stuff was taking "attention" away from the day or from them.
  

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• ei34 member

  

  October 2023

  knottiea5ed25a0f2efb1fe said:

  I believe that every bride should have the spotlight on and near their day. It's a day about them, and for them, and it (hopefully) only happens once. I think it's courteous to be aware of other people's weddings/ other big life events. Otherwise, I feel like it's a bit selfish. I would never put someone in this situation. 

  Where does the line get drawn? If a couple gets engaged and plans a wedding, and then someone gets pregnant and is due right near the wedding day, should the wedding get moved or the baby change its due date? There can be multiple big life events. Joy multiplies.  One of my sisters and I were engaged three days apart, it was so fun! 
  

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