Dear Prudence,
I was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. With all the intrusions that come with medical treatment that are mostly out of your control, the one thing I could manage was who I told and when. After my kids, the first person I told was my best friend, “Sandy.” When I told her, she knew I had not yet told my mom, who lives overseas, because I was waiting for my kids to be there in person for her, and that I was slowly letting select people know one by one in person. Obviously, people who see me will soon notice the chemo baldness and I am not trying to make a big secret of it, but offers of sympathy can be a bit overwhelming when you don’t even know what help you need and need to learn how to ask for it.
I got a text from her saying she had told a mutual slight acquaintance, and known gossip, about my diagnosis, telling her to spread the word in our crafting circle (which is mostly virtual), so that people would “send me stuff.” She ended with, “Hope that’s OK.” It was not OK, and I cannot recall ever crying so much. Part of it was wanting to have a sphere where I could just ignore the cancer for a while, and not wanting random acquaintances who I wouldn’t be seeing in person. Luckily, I was with friends when I got the text, and they texted to tell her to not contact me until I was ready to talk. It’s been a few weeks and I am still angry and upset. I also miss my friend. How do I get past this?
—My Cancer, My News