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Give it more time

CasadenaCasadena member
Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
in Wedding Woes

I recently left a 12-year marriage and discovered that I’m bisexual. I have a friend whose situation is similar and I feel things when I’m with her, but I’m afraid to ruin our friendship or get into a relationship. Should I tell her what I’m feeling?

—BiBiBi

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Re: Give it more time

  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Ah!  The age-old "This person is a good friend, but I have romantic feelings.  Do I risk the friendship and tell them?"

    I usually don't know how to answer these, lol.  I think a general rule is to weigh how important the friendship is and how strong/permanent the romantic feelings are.

    One extra caution in this situation is that both the LW and her friend coming out of serious relationships/marriages.  And the LW sounds unsure if they even want to get in any romantic relationship right now.
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  • downtondivadowntondiva member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    At the very least, I don't think you should tell her right now. Sometimes infatuations come up because of shared experiences and heightened emotions, and until you can determine that this is more than that, it's not worth risking your friendship. 

    Even if you determine that it's more than that, I suggest you give a lot of thought as to whether you believe she might feel the same, and whether you and she can comfortably stay friends if it turns out she doesn't. 
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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    It really doesn't matter what LW's feelings are, b/c LW stated she's afraid to get into a relationship.  So don't.  Take the time to figure yourself out and breathe, LW.  I really wanted to stay single for awhile after my divorce.  I don't necessarily regret that I didn't, but I have so enjoyed being single after the end of my last long term relationship and have learned so much about myself.  Especially with a new queer identity to explore, I'd hold off on a relationship.
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