How do you handle friends who constantly complain, but do nothing to fix the issues they’re complaining about? To be clear, I’m not saying I don’t ever want to hear them complain. We all need to vent, we all have things that annoy us that we can’t fix, and sometimes we just need to bitch. But I have two friends in particular that complain all of the time, and for the most part, it’s about things that they can actually do something about. One friend, “Cara,” never, ever stands up for herself, and I constantly have to hear about how people are shitty to her, but she does nothing about it. Most recently, a few weeks ago, she was talking about how she was trying to plan a long-weekend trip with another friend of hers. The friend was being really difficult (and has a history of just making things miserable), and Cara was frustrated. I told Cara that she should just cancel. She didn’t, and sure enough, I’m getting texts while she’s away about how awful the other friend was being. I know that may not sound too bad, but this is what it’s always like with Cara, and frankly, I’m tired of hearing about what she chooses to put up with.
Another friend, “Connie,” seemingly complains … because she likes to suffer? For instance, for over a month now, she’s been talking about how her shoulder is bothering her, and demonstrating how she can’t lift it, etc. I’ve asked her multiple times if she’s made a doctor’s appointment, and she makes excuses (doesn’t have time, doesn’t even know what doctor to go to, etc.). It’s not an insurance/job problem—I used to work at the office she’s at, and so I know for a fact they provide good health insurance, and are flexible and understanding about medical issues. Once, we were sitting outside having drinks, and she complained about being too warm. I asked her why she didn’t just take her jacket off, and she actually said she didn’t want to because it was her first chance to wear it. Then continued to whine about being hot. I feel like I’m reaching my breaking point where I’m going to end up snapping at Cara and/or Connie soon. How do I deal with this to keep it from getting to that?
—Fix It, or Shut It