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Stop talking to her about the house.

mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

What do you do with green around the gills envy? My partner inherited a five-bedroom house, and we plan to renovate it with grand dreams. A music room, a library, a quilting studio, a room for our foster cat program—anything more than the one-bedroom condo we have been stuck in. Only my sister refuses to be happy for us. She and her partner are currently trying to find a place big enough for their combined six kids and failing miserably. They live in a very expensive area. We don’t. Not with the new house. Not with the condo. My sister has joked she would kill herself before coming back to our state. Any mention of our plans gets a rant about how “hard” she has it and how “lucky” we have it. I am tired of it and if I even gently tell my sister this, she goes on the defensive. What do I do here?

—Sick of Green

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Re: Stop talking to her about the house.

  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Tell her that you acknowledge that you're truly lucky and you wish her well.

    Sorry not sorry - sis needs to stop being bitter and figure things out.   Sometimes life isn't fair. 
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    STARMOON44 said:
    Stop telling your struggling sister about your embarrassment of riches! Start a blog start an Instagram make a different friend. 
    Yes that too.  If the LW wants to say, "Oh we can't figure out which chandelier for the entryway" shut up with that nonsense. 


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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I can understand it's hurtful the sister isn't happy for the LW.  But I bet the LW is also being pretty unsufferable.

    I get that also.  It's a big step in the LW's life and all the plans for the house are probably in their mind almost 24/7. But they need to back off on talking about the house and renovations with their sister.

    I also suspect the LW is going to have their "grand dreams" balloon popped at some point, at least to an extent.  Since they're living in a one-bedroom condo they have been "stuck in", I'm assuming they may not have much money saved.  Renovations are expensive and typically the only kind of financing for them would be a bridge/construction loan or a HELOC.  Both have higher interest rates than a typical mortgage.
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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I wouldn't discuss this with sister anymore.  Sister isn't being very gracious, but sometimes it's hard and LW could give sister a break about this.  On the other hand, I also wouldn't be engaging in any advising to the "I have it so hard" rants and I'd be trying to gently nudge into "are you venting or want advice?" to bring attention to maybe sister is going overboard with using LW for rants as well.

    I'm sure this is a common family dynamic and LW needs to figure out boundaries about it.
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