Dear Prudence,
My daughter and her cousin always shared their birthday parties growing up. But my daughter is turning 11 and wants her own party with her own friends. The problem is my niece is painfully shy and hasn’t made any friends since they started middle school this year. My sister is adamant that we continued the family tradition of a double party and shot down the idea of having two separate ones.
My daughter already is complaining about having to “babysit” her cousin when she comes and my daughter has friends over. She isn’t excluding her cousin but she resents having her around in our private talks. We love our daughter and want her to grow up into an empathic young woman but she is at the age where she wants to be more independent. Plus the dynamic between the girls can easily sour. My husband was saddled with taking care of his severely autistic brother growing up and not allowed to have an independent social life. It fostered a great sense of resentment that he struggles with even now. Any thoughts about what to do?
—Birthday Bash