Your partner sucks.

mrsconn23 · November 2023

Dear Prudence,

My partner is upset with me because, they say, I show no sympathy to them when they are sick. This is not true! When they first pop a fever, I make store runs for ginger ale or Gatorade or cough drops; I order their favorite matzo soup. But my sympathy ends quickly because my partner refuses to treat their symptoms. Advil? Nope. Pepto? Nope. The doctor? Forget about it. A few weeks ago, we both came down with the same nasty sinus infection, but I started Tylenol and a prescription nasal spray, and stayed well enough to take care of the house and kids. My partner refused all of those things and remained in bed for six straight days. Which is fine behavior if you’re single. But I feel like when you have little kids, you’re responsible for doing what you can to remain upright, and I have very little patience for someone who is essentially choosing to stay sick. Am I being too harsh?

—In Sickness and in … More Sickness

banana468 · November 2023

Your partner sucks. Be clear "I have no sympathy for people who have options to improve their situation and opt to suffer in silence while I have to absorb their responsibilities."

CharmedPam · November 2023

Anyone remember getting Buckley’s as a kid? I tried to attach a photo but TK’s not letting me today. It was a cough syrup so strong you thought it cleaned your innards completely with one tablespoon. It was big in the 80’s and 90’s. You wont have to deal with your partner for weeks one end after that, LW.

VarunaTT · November 2023

You aren't showing them any sympathy...and they don't deserve any.

Easy.

mrsconn23 · November 2023

I'd cut DH if we were both sick at the same time and he straight up refused to do anything about alleviating his symptoms so that he could function to do the bare minimum. But we're also the types to be all, "Oh it's not so bad," if we think we're coming down with something and we proactively do all the supportive care (meds, tea, hot steamy shower, etc.) until we're really sick. If one of us says we need to get in bed because we're dead on our feet, we know that person is bad off.

This dude's shit would happen once and then I'd make every other instance of illness even more miserable for him. I'd let the kids in the room, run to the store alone, hand him a baby that needs a change. Eff that noise.

This is DTMFA territory for me.

banana468 · November 2023

mrsconn23 said:

I'd cut DH if we were both sick at the same time and he straight up refused to do anything about alleviating his symptoms so that he could function to do the bare minimum. But we're also the types to be all, "Oh it's not so bad," if we think we're coming down with something and we proactively do all the supportive care (meds, tea, hot steamy shower, etc.) until we're really sick. If one of us says we need to get in bed because we're dead on our feet, we know that person is bad off.

This dude's shit would happen once and then I'd make every other instance of illness even more miserable for him. I'd let the kids in the room, run to the store alone, hand him a baby that needs a change. Eff that noise.

This is DTMFA territory for me.

At minimum it's "Your choice to do zero to improve your health is not a license to do zero of your responsibilities."

short+sassy · November 2023

I'm reminded of that letter from a few weeks? maybe months? back. Where the LW's partner would ONLY take (I think) Tylenol for any illness he had.

But the LW should tell their partner what they did here and then stop caring what they think about it. If the partner isn't "sick enough" to take OTC medication or see a doctor, then they don't deserve extra pampering. Especially if the LW has to take over the rest of the household responsibilities.

It's rare I've been sick enough to be almost bed-ridden. But the last time that happened, by Day 3 I was definitely thinking, "WHAT is wrong with me!?! I have got to drag my ass to an urgent care" See if there was something they could do (there wasn't) and make sure it wasn't anything serious (it wasn't).

levioosa · November 2023

I am immunocompromised so I do my damndest to stay healthy and immediately start treating symptoms when they start. Since Monday I’ve been slamming all of the zinc, Vitamin C and elderberry (yes I know there’s no real evidence for that but I’m also desperate to not die and the gummies are also like dessert so might as well). I’m getting better at making myself go in sooner than later when a URI has been lingering, but my illness has two modes: annoying symptoms and decently sick but functioning, and so sick I can barely move. I rarely if ever “just” have congestion or just a sore throat. But that does not seem like this dude. This seems like man flu to the hilt.

banana468 · November 2023

levioosa said:

I am immunocompromised so I do my damndest to stay healthy and immediately start treating symptoms when they start. Since Monday I’ve been slamming all of the zinc, Vitamin C and elderberry (yes I know there’s no real evidence for that but I’m also desperate to not die and the gummies are also like dessert so might as well). I’m getting better at making myself go in sooner than later when a URI has been lingering, but my illness has two modes: annoying symptoms and decently sick but functioning, and so sick I can barely move. I rarely if ever “just” have congestion or just a sore throat. But that does not seem like this dude. This seems like man flu to the hilt.

You just reminded me to buy elderberry now.

charlotte989875 · November 2023

Your partner sucks and you’re giving a lot more sympathy than I would. Little kids don’t care if you’re sick especially if they’re still toddlers /less independent. It’s unfair to expect one parent to do all the things, while, sick when the other refuses to do anything to alleviate symptoms. The partner is being selfish and I’d say that directly.

short+sassy · November 2023

charlotte989875 said:

Your partner sucks and you’re giving a lot more sympathy than I would. Little kids don’t care if you’re sick especially if they’re still toddlers /less independent. It’s unfair to expect one parent to do all the things, while, sick when the other refuses to do anything to alleviate symptoms. The partner is being selfish and I’d say that directly.

There's a funny commercial where a woman is standing in a doorway, talking about how she isn't feeling well so she needs the rest of the day off.

You assume she is talking to her boss, but then the camera angle changes to the room inside the doorway. It's a nursery, with a cute baby standing in her crib looking at mom.

Your partner sucks.

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