Dear Prudence,
My wife and I are concerned about my daughter and son-in-law’s housekeeping. The physical clutter of their house borders on what you see in an episode of hoarders. They are not the cleanest of people when it comes to their surroundings, either—leaving food, plates, or half-empty glasses around everywhere. This has attracted insects. Now they have problems with birds nesting in their air conditioners, causing bird mites to infest the house. The general filth has caused my daughter to break out on her face. We are worried for their health and safety but also for our granddaughter who is growing up in this. When we confront our daughter about this she insists it is all her husband’s fault or because she is too busy. But we can’t fathom why they cannot pick up ANYTHING. We can’t visit them because there is nowhere to sit anymore. This is affecting their health and their social lives. We are afraid to confront her or them both further because they get very defensive about it. I am loath to lend or give money to help the matter, as I fear it will just revert in a few weeks or months. How can we approach them and get them to help themselves?
—Can’t See the Floor for the Mess