Dear Prudence,
Three years ago, I wrote a bestselling book that has had continued success. My friends and family have been really happy for me—except for my maternal uncle and his wife, my aunt. Here’s the thing: A decade ago, back when I was deciding on universities to attend for creative writing, my aunt wholeheartedly offered to fund my education as their only niece (they don’t have children and they are extremely wealthy). I started looking at my dream university in the U.S.—until my aunt announced she was writing a book. After that, she decided to not fund my education or acknowledge my author aspirations and seemingly banned my uncle from doing the same. Because of my uncle’s connections, he put her in touch with a big-name publisher, even though he knew I had, at that point, completed my book. She bragged about it to me, but nothing came of it.
As I found my own way in the industry, got published, and became an instant bestseller, my aunt and uncle haven’t acknowledged my book once. When my proud grandfather sends them other stories I’ve published, they don’t respond. The only time my book and writing come up is the VERY rare occasion when my aunt leaves the room—it’s then that my uncle will quickly ask how it’s going. My mother has ongoing issues with my uncle and agrees with me that I shouldn’t have to speak to them as they deliberately choose not to support the one thing I’ve worked so hard for. Plus, they’ve rarely spent time with me. They’re so wrapped up in each other that they’ve alienated our entire family. They don’t visit or call my grandfather, who has been nothing but kind and generous to both of them, and they never want to spend holidays with us, only with each other. My aunt won’t even let me sit next to my uncle or be alone with him.
But because of my grandfather, who I was raised by, I’ve continued to agree to meet with them on special occasions—he’s of the cultural belief that you stick by your family, no matter what they do to you, while also acknowledging how selfish my aunt and uncle are. My grandfather did try to talk to my uncle about it, and he got defensive, saying that if it was a big deal then I should be the one to talk to him. But it’s bizarre and hurtful that when we do get together, I’m supposed to pretend that this big thing that changed my life doesn’t exist. We’ve tried bringing it up in conversation, but my aunt always changes the subject. I respect my grandfather, and I always have done what he’s asked. I understand I’ve only got one aunt and uncle, and that my grandfather, in his old age, wants us to all be together. But since they’ve never really bothered to be in my life in the first place and can’t even utter a single word of support for me, I don’t see why I need to make the effort to be in their lives either. Case in point: My next book was announced recently, and I never heard from them. Should I continue to reach out and make plans with them for the sake of my grandfather, or should I just write them off?
—Write or Wrong