Dear Prudence,
I only dated my ex for a few months, but it was the happiest I have been in a long time, and I fell hard. He said he did too. He was attentive to me, a great communicator, fun, responsible at work, and a caring dad who evenly shares custody with his ex. He wanted to talk though questions and concerns I had and was responsive to them. The thing is that he maintained a friendlier relationship with his ex than I liked. Rather than simply updating about kids at time of handoff, they would have lengthy conversations about the kids in between (more often initiated by her) that would sometimes become personal updates as well, or her asking his help because she struggles disciplining the kids. They even helped each other with their dating profiles. He claimed their relationship had only been that of friends for a number of years before their divorce, and he wanted to show his kids that people can be divorced but still friends. A good relationship with an ex is healthy for kids, but I feel like their friendship is still too intimate for my comfort level.
He doesn’t see a reason to change that and assured me I would probably feel better if I saw them together. Am I old-fashioned for not wanting a partner to be so close to their ex? I would go back to him. Do I just need to get used to it if I want to date a divorced man who doesn’t hate his ex and is a responsible father? I just don’t think you can get divorced and expect to maintain the same emotional intimacy you had with your ex, even if you’ve only felt like friends with them for so long, at least if you expect to have another relationship. Was I just infatuated and now the honeymoon stage has worn off? Months later I still miss him.
—Conflicted Aching Heart