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Wedding Woes

You need to talk to Ken.

Dear Prudence,

Earlier this year, I dated someone I’ll call “Ken” for a few months. It got pretty intense pretty quickly, and then things ended somewhat dramatically. I think we both freaked out in different ways. He had just gotten out of a long relationship and I was dealing with some family difficulty, and everything just exploded. I have spent the last six months working deeply on healing, focusing on work, friendships, and myself. Recently, Ken and I reconnected and began spending time together as friends. I have really enjoyed this new time. Our connection still feels very strong. At the same time, I feel much more stable in my own life, and when we discuss our past, I sense that he’s in a different place, too. It has made me wonder if there’s any possibility of us exploring a romantic relationship again. Is that a bad idea? Can exes ever reconcile? For what it’s worth, I’m feeling some extra anxiety because I know my friends and family don’t approve of him because they took care of me during the breakup, and I haven’t told them that we’re talking again.

—Not Ready to Move On

Re: You need to talk to Ken.

  • Ex’s can absolutely reconcile because if they couldn’t we wouldn’t have half the Christmas/ holiday movies that we have. 

    Don’t tell your friends anything at this point. If you like hanging out with Ken then keep doing it. Eventually have a conversation if you do want to be more than friends. 
  • Exes can reconcile, but if you are really enjoying your current friendship with Ken, give some thought before you talk to him as to whether you can take it if he is not interested in getting back together, or if you two do reconcile but then break up again. It may be tough to stay friends at that point.

    For now, don't worry what your friends and family think, and don't say anything to them until you know where this is going, if anywhere. Bad breakups can happen without either of the parties involved being bad people. Unless there was some sort of abuse or deception in the relationship that you're not saying, if you're willing to give it another go with Ken, they should give him another chance too. And you can tell them so, if it comes to that.
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  • I definitely think exes can reconcile, as long as they discuss and understand what went wrong the first time and how that will be different this time.

    Famous person example.  Judge Judy and her current husband divorced at one point.  They'd been married a long time when that happened.  They were only apart for a short period of time.  They remarried again about two years later and the second time around has also been a long time now.
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