Dear Prudence,
What, if anything, is appropriate to say to a close friend who has recently lost a ton of weight as a result of implementing different or healthier routines into their life? I’m wary of the double-standard that’s often present in this kind of interaction, in the sense that we tend to compliment people who have lost weight but rarely say the contrary, when weight gain could be just as healthy. I myself recently lost weight and got really into fitness which resulted in people complimenting my change in appearance. I found the comments affirming, encouraging, and was even proud to know that others could see my efforts to get better, but I realize that other people may not feel similarly. In recent years, I’ve seen some of my closest friends’ bodies change after they emerged from major depressive episodes and I couldn’t be happier for them. Is there ever a way to express this respectfully and sensitively? I compliment them on other things, such as a nice sweater or well-prepared meal but have toned down my compliments at times because I worry that they’ll notice I’m complimenting them more than I did when they were a different weight. I also have experience with disordered eating, so I know how easily a “compliment” can become complex in the long term.
—Size Doesn’t Determine Worth but … You Look Great