Dear Prudence,
I am 24 years old and have come to a crossroads in my life and relationship. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half. To be honest, I’ve been unsure of our relationship in the past, but we’ve recently reached such a good, comfortable place. I think we may even be in love. He is respectful and trustworthy. We are both musicians. We hardly fight and enjoy the same things but still challenge each other. Most of the boxes are checked off except for one.
I want to move away from our hometown and give my dream a shot while he wants to stay put. I know he’s the more responsible one, but I also know that if I compromise my life for a man, I may regret it down the line. I explained this to him a few months ago, and we decided to enjoy our remaining time together before we were pulled out separate ways. He doesn’t want to do long distance which is understandable. An opportunity recently arose for me to move to California in the upcoming year with friends to room with, so I started planning and had my mind set while still wishing in the back of my mind that things would work out between us. However, I knew I couldn’t stay for him because I felt that there was no way I could move forward with my life staying in the same place. We live in the smallest city shy of opportunity or excitement. I live with my parents, work at my family’s restaurant, and have a degree I don’t use. I feel stuck here. Though I love my hometown and family, I’ve lived here all of my life and feel I have overstayed my welcome. He lives with his parents too but has started his career. He has a long-term plan to save enough money, invest, buy a house, be financially stable, etc. I think that’s so admirable of him, but it also makes me feel ashamed of wanting to give myself a shot somewhere new. Still, my mind was made up to move and face the consequences.
That was until a few days ago when he asked me to move in with him in a two-bedroom apartment somewhere in Texas. I was completely caught off guard. I could picture a future with this guy, a comfortable little life for us, but now I’m left wondering if I should accept his offer over the opportunity I had set in my mind. If he’s willing to compromise, should I be too? It’s not exactly where I had in mind, but at least it’s something. Will I be filled with regret down the line? Will I regret sacrificing my relationship for a hopeless silly little dream? Will I regret compromising my dream for my relationship? I have no idea what to do. It feels like either way, I lose.
—Hopeless Dreamer